DIRECT FROM CANNES

It is the most highly anticipated martial arts action movie of this year — in the talking animals category.

And because we had some nifty moves of our own, we managed to overcome all adversity to discover the secret lair of the animated movie Kung Fu Panda, found on top of a mountain shrouded in mysticism and … Okay, lah, it was one of those glitzy hotels in Cannes where the cast were holed up during the film festival.

TODAY assumed the basic fighting stance known in journalistic circles as The Celebrity Interview and faced down a panda, a red panda, and a tiger. They also go by their real names: Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman and Angelina Jolie.

PO-FACED: JACK BLACK

Slouched lazily in his chair, with a near-perfect man-tummy jutting out ever-sodelicately, Jack Black deadpanned: “It’s only coincidental that I look like a panda.”

In reality, the character of Po, the furry closet gongfu geek who just happens to be a panda, was tailor-made for the actor. Co-director John Stevenson admitted the Shallow Hal actor was the first and only choice to play the role because they wanted the “Jack Factor”.

But as we found out, that so-called “Jack Factor” only comes out full blast when the cameras roll.

During a group interview, there was very little hint of the manic star behind Nacho Libre, although the bearded dude with blondish streaks in front of us did look like he had one too many tequilas the night before. “I guess I’m more like this.” Pause. “You’ve seen the real me now.” Longer pause. “Me-lan-cho-ic.”

The 38-year-old comedian, who previously voiced the role of the soft-hearted vegetarian shark Lenny in Shark Tale — which also starred Jolie — said he enjoys making animated movies.

“I have a selfish streak and I don’t have to worry about steamrolling other actors when I’m alone. I can ramble on endlessly without hurting anyone’s feelings,” he said.

One thing Black did ramble on about — with a bit of prodding from TODAY — was his admiration for Stephen Chow.

“Yeah, I’m a huge fan. I first saw Kung Fu Hustle in New Zealand while I was doing King Kong. I heard about this movie in town that was breaking all kinds of records. It blew my mind. I had to see it again and again. And I went back and saw Shaolin Soccer and thought it was just as good. Stephen Chow is incredible.”

And just when we decided that Black in person wasn’t really as fun as he is on-screen, the celebrity switched on the “Jack Factor” one last time: “I heard
that Brad Pitt sometimes wears a wig with a mask attached that looks very realistic. I might have to get one of those. And then I’ll finally be happy.”

FUNNY OLD MAN: DUSTIN HOFFMAN

Dustin Hoffman was in the middle of a sagely description about the ups and owns of an actor’s career in Hollywood when he paused abruptly in mid-sentence and reached into his pocket.

“Sorry, I think my phone is ringing. Or I’ve brought my wife’s vibrator by mistake. Just kidding.” Welcome to the 15-minute stand-up comedy skit by one of Hollywood’s most venerated dramatic actors.

The naughty Hoffman was late for the roundtable interview — which included co-actor Lucy Liu and co-director Mark Osborne — but he wasted no time piling on the laughs.

A reporter began his awkwardly phrased question with “You used to be famous …”, to which the 70-year-old actor with two Oscars, six Golden Globes and three Emmys under his belt — not literally because that would be over-accessorising — gamely retorted: “I should just lie down on my back so you can all pay your respects.”

Another one asked how difficult it was to get leading roles for people his age.

“You either develop it yourself or you’re Jack Nicholson,” he remarked, before adding: “Do you have a leading part for me?”

At some point, he also tried to cajole everyone into singing the Irving Berlin song There’s No Business Like Show Business.

But like his grumpy senior citizen character Shifu (who by the way, is actually a red panda and not a rat — despite a fleeting Splinter reference in the movie for all you Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fans), Hoffman became serious when talk turned to Hollywood then and now.

“When I started out, Hollywood was basically six studios and they just wanted to make good movies.

Now they’re going for the blockbuster,” he said.

He also rubbished rumours that Yoda was his inspiration for Shifu.

“I never saw Star Wars. Don’t tell George Lucas,” Hoffman whispered onspiratorially. - TODAY/ra