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The world is sick. And Madonna will save us all. The virus? Stupidity. The signs are myopia, loss of peripheral vision and grotesque bigotry. The side effects include the inability to think before you proclaim, the disposal of perspective and societal retardation. The consequences are devastating: Ugly children.
Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone Ritchie turns a grand old 50 in August. This week, she releases her 11th studio album in her 26-year career, the urban-inflected Hard Candy. Months before its release, the good people of cyberspace had begun shouting their displeasure from their anonymous rooftops.
Comments littered on message boards, not unlike the irresponsible droppings of miniature Schnauzers, decreed that Madonna, still gleefully clad in corsets and short shorts should put her "cobwebbed fanny" away.
In this increasingly-ageist and sexist world, Madonna is, once again, at the receiving end of our displeasure. It seems we never wanted her around: She's been slammed for "stealing" from the underground for commercial gain in the mainstream, for not wearing clothes, for wearing too much clothes, for having her own children, for adopting other people's children, for venturing into fashion and film, for staying in the music business, and now for being 50.
So, if we don't like her all that much, why is Madonna still around? Because she works her booty off.
We live in a bizarre Paris-Hilton-ised time where young people feel a bizarre sense of self-importance. Perhaps it's because we place so much emphasis on staying young (if older people want to look young, doesn't that make young people "better"?).
Human resource horror stories of fresh grads expecting their own offices and expecting more for doing less are right in line with starlets getting famous quickly for doing nothing. And that's just stupid.
Madonna, however, has trained her thin voice into a workable tool, she has learned how to play guitar, yoga-ed her body to put women half her age to shame, and she is attempting to win new fans with an "urban" album. The PAP should be using her as a star example of skills upgrading and lifelong learning.
The truth is, youth fades, luck runs out, and trends shift — but Madonna will always be here. She is testament to the fact that hard work, not an over-inflated sense of entitlement, is the key to sustained success — and that's a lesson your children need to learn before they make more ugly comments about how old people need to put their corsets away.
Do your part to help save our lazy world and listen to Auntie Madonna.
Candy Land
In the run-up to the release of her much anticipated new album, Hard Candy, that's out next week, Madonna talks about her musical direction, her love for taking risks and why she would never play Vegas in this Today exclusive.
Hard Candy is a fun record. Was it as much fun to do?
Yeah. I mean, it wasn't done in one long stretch of time. It was very broken up because the people who I worked with — Pharrell, Justin Timberlake and Timbaland — are all very busy.
They work with many different artistes, they are on tour, in movies, etc. So, they were hard to schedule.
So, I ended up doing the album in sort of two-week stints, wait a couple of weeks, and so on. It took much longer than I usually take to make a record just because there was so much space in between.
With all the things that you're doing these days, you'd be hard to schedule as well.
Well, I suppose my scheduling factored into it, but of course, my perspective is that they were difficult and I wasn't!
When we actually got in the studio and stated making music, it was actually quite simple.
Each time you make an album it seems to have a new facet. With this, did you have a very clear idea as to what you wanted?
When I made the decision to work with Pharrell, Justin and Timbaland, it was really just because I love their records. After Confessions on a Dance Floor, I was scratching my head, thinking: 'Well, what kind of music do I want to do next?'
And I asked myself: 'Well, whose music do I love right now? What am I excited about right now musically?'
And it was those three. Why don't I work with them?
How did that come about?
Well, I looked their phone numbers up in the phone book! (Laughs) Actually, Justin and Timberland approached me, and I think Pharrell did as well. But I think at first they were just saying: 'We would love to just do one song with you.' And I thought why just do one song? Let's do the whole record together.
People don't tend to say 'no' to you.
Actually they do. (Laughs) Everyone says 'yes' for a price, though!
Did you have to adapt the way you work?
I did because I write in a very organised, methodical way and they don't. It's not my normal way of working, because I don't usually work with other artists who are also performers. So, I had to kind of get into their head and create on their wavelength and let go of a little bit of (intones) "must have order, must be in control". I'm used to being the diva in the room, so I had to adjust, you know, share diva space — which was fun. It was a learning experience. I think it is good to take risks and try new things. I really do.
Is it good to get into other people's face?
Absolutely. It's the best thing to get outside your comfort zone and do things you don't normally do. That's what keeps you alive as an artist.
Who was the biggest diva?
I'm not gonna tell you! Depending on the week, we all won that sweepstake.
The album is called Hard Candy, your first track is Candy Shop. Is candy ...
Candy is something I'm very fond of, yes! When you go into a candy shop, you can get so many different things. And hopefully, you can get that when you listen to the record. There are more serious songs; there are more fun songs; there are more uptempo songs; there are more thoughtful songs. Candy Shop's one of my favourites and it sort of personifies the mood I was in when I was making the record, which is kind of cheeky, wanting to have fun, liking the idea of having a play on words. Um, lots of innuendo.
I suppose you earned the right to play it safe if you wanted to.
Or how does one earn the right to play it safe? I wouldn't; I would never want to do that! It sounds so boring.
This album comes at a time of change.
Oh, yes. It's my last for Warner Bros Records, whom I have been very loyal to for the last 25 years.
Is it some sort of legacy or a summing up record?
No, I don't think so. I just thought, you know, let my last record with Warner Bros be as great as my first record. Yeah, let's go out with a bang.
You still love touring?
I love-hate them. I love putting them together, and I love the first two weeks and the last two weeks of the tour. Everything in between is hard work.
Would you ever want to do Vegas, like Cher or Elton does?
No, I'm not very fond of Vegas so … no, I don't think so. I would like to do a set-up and stay in one city for a long time, but not Vegas. I'll take Rome, for instance, or Paris or London or New York.
Do you think it is a possibility someday?
As soon as they build a casino in one of those places, yeah.
You have so much going on now. Is music still the central part of your creative existence?
Hmm ... the thing about me is, in terms of creativity, the first place I started expressing myself as an artist was through dance, and that's completely and utterly connected to music. So, becoming a songwriter and a singer and a performer was a perfect segue from dancing. And even when I get involved in film projects, I always think of them in a very musical way. Music inspires me to write a scene. So, I feel music is still very much an integral part of every aspect of my creativity.
You couldn't imagine going a long time without making music?
No, no, no. I'm always going to want to write music. I just feel music speaks to people in a way no other art form can. And it is, in my opinion, the most accessible art form. So, yeah, you could say it's my first love. — INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT COURTESY OF WARNER MUSIC
Madonna's Hard Candy hits the shops on April 29. - TODAY/ra
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