| |
| |
![]() |
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Oscar Wilde wrote: "Ignorance is like a delicate, exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone." Well, that was before television was invented.
As anyone familiar with reel life doofuses knows, you couldn't club the stupidity out of Joey Tribbiani or Homer Simpson.
Take the guys from Testees, the hilarious new sitcom on FX, for example. Two world-class doofuses work as test subjects for Testico, a less-than-normal product testing facility. Each week, they suffer a different side effect from experimental meds.
What happens when a doofus loses the ability to feel pain?
He becomes a dominatrix's boy toy, of course. Simple cause-and-effect logic.
None of them are smarter than a fifth-grader. And that's precisely the point. They give us someone to feel superior to, ignoring the irony that it must take great smarts to play characters as dumb as these.
Here then are our Top 10 favourite stupid characters from TV-land.
1. Patrick (SpongeBob SquarePants)
If Moose Mason were a pink starfish in fluorescent boardshorts, and maybe suffered a head injury or two, he'd be Patrick Starr. Often paralysed by stupidity, Patrick is so dumb, he makes SpongeBob look like an absorbent and yellow and porous genius. Only SpongeBob lives in a pineapple under the sea, and, as Patrick once pointed out, "Duh, don't genius live in lamps?"
2. Joey (Friends)
Clumsy, bumbling, and lovable in a childlike, Italian kind of way. Maybe one day, Monica and Chandler really will get that house with a yard for Joey to play in - but does he know enough to come in out of the rain?
3. Amanda (Ugly Betty)
We love Amanda because she's dumb, blonde, and, to top it all off, gloriously bitchy. She just doesn't give a darn, because when you're pretty, the world is your designer Oyster bag.
Exclaiming "Why is everyone so fat in here?" at a gathering of pregnant women is a valid question, isn't it? At Christmas, a drunken Christina wished for "heart for Wilhelmina, courage for Marc, and a brain for Amanda" but we're hoping Santa doesn't get that memo.
4. Kelso (That '70s Show)
We've already got more female ditzes than we can handle (Amanda's just one more dumb blonde in a long list including Corky from Murphy Brown and Cerie from 30 Rock). But Ashton Kutcher was an amazing male ditz as Michael Kelso, leaving the world wondering just how much of that blank, grinning, stoner persona was really him.
5. Lance (Free Radio)
Lance Krall is one of those comedians so downright crass, it borders on genius. And even though Free Radio ran for one season on FX, we rate it as one of our generation's best improv comedies.
Lance the radio intern is forced to take over deejay duties when the resident shock jock quits - and is so amazingly stupid and insulting to all the celebrity guests that the station's ratings soar to an all-time high. Would you tune in to a show called Moron In The Morning? The answer is a resounding "Duh!"
6. Murray (Flight of the Conchords)
With a band manager like Murray, it's no wonder Bret and Jemaine of two-man band Flight Of The Conchords can't get any gigs.
It's not due to a lack of enthusiasm on Murray's part - somebody who takes attendance at band meetings attended by only three people is obviously dead serious about his job. It's probably due to the general incompetence of these New Zealanders. But remember, it's only okay for these guys to make fun of their own country.
7. Reese (Malcolm in the Middle)
They say bullies are cowards, but in Reese's case, bullies are fragile and sensitive inside, with deep-seated psychological issues - and a gaping and severe lack of brain cells. Of course, when your little brother Malcolm is a child prodigy, you have a snowball's chance in hell of looking smart next to him. But if you were Reese, the snowball would look smart next to you.
8. JASON STACKHOUSE (True Blood)
We've had our fill of dumb jocks. But a dumb jock who's also a single-minded horn dog - that's funny. Thinking with his other head has gotten Jason into a lot of trouble, most of it involving his Southern town's vampire population.
Under suspicion for murder, Jason's best defence was simply: "I'm not smart enough to pull it off." Kudos to Ryan Kwanten for pulling off that glassy-eyed naivete - and for figuring out how to take his shirt off. Again and again and again.
9. KENNETH (30 Rock)
Kenneth's not exactly stupid; just really, really, really naïve. But his Southern accent, his Baptist backwater ways, the way he cocks his head, and his eternal optimism are a simply euphoric combination. Everyone should learn to see the world through his eyes. The Muppets also need to sue for identity theft.
10. THE WIGGUMS (The Simpsons)
Despite the fact they are in the same show as Homer Simpson, who could make anyone look good, this father and son combo of Chief Wiggum and Ralph are in a class of “stupid” all their own. One of the Wiggums holds the proud place of being possibly the dumbest character ever to exist. But it’s hard to say which.
Catch Testees on Mondays at 11pm on FX (StarHub TV Channel 87).
|
