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This reporter suspects he is down with a severe case of "cinematophobia".
And the culprit has been identified as a smelly roast beef sandwich.
It happened a few months ago when I was watching a not-so-bad Korean chick flick. It was the perfect setting for a romantic date until the guy seated to my right went on to unwrap his particularly-malodorous dinner and munch away happily.
After that, he promptly fell asleep and began snoring loudly.
Needless to say, I will never view Korean chick flicks in the same way again.
We are sure you have had your fair share of horror stories at the movies, of people talking on the phone or graciously giving their friends (and everyone else) in-depth commentaries on why so-and-so did this and that as it simultaneously unfolds onscreen.
But horrible etiquette doesn't only exist in the cineplex.
If you are looking for a transcendental, peaceful encounter with the Muses, we would like to warn you that going to an art exhibition or watching a play may leave you with an even worse case of "museophobia" and "theatrophobia".
A touchy subject
Despite the lists of dos and don'ts at a venue's entrance, and no matter how catchy the pre-show announcements, you are always going to have at least one inconsiderate soul ruining your fun.
They range from curious folk who touch priceless artefacts for the heck of it to rowdy school kids heckling an actor at a matinee show to critics who come in late and distract performers by incessantly clicking their pens.
Actress Karen Tan remembers one incident in which she broke out of character in the middle of a show during a performance of the Toy Factory production Mergers & Wills in 2004.
"There were these students seated three rows away and they were sending messages on their mobile phones," said Karen, 40. "When there was a change of scenes, we could not begin because the light from their handphones was too bright. So, I told them to put the phone away and then I continued. I was very surprised that I had done it.
"But the use of handphones is very, very, very irritating. And the probability of it going off in the middle of a show is really high."
She also recalled: "Some uncles and aunties eat sweets and litter all over the place and they do it during the quiet moments."
Meanwhile, National Museum of Singapore exhibitions curator Szan Tan personally witnessed people touching artefacts at the recent exhibit from the Louvre Museum.
And at the Asian Civilisations Museum, where she had previously worked, she recalled how visitors would "test" one of the highlighted artefacts: A huge Vietnamese bronze drum.
"Streams of people were 'gong-ing' on it to test if it was working!" said Szan, 36.
Catching the culprit
Who's to blame for spoiling your day at the museum? Sorry, mums and dads, but most of the time, it's your children.
During recent performances of Off Centre at the Esplanade Theatre Studio, The Necessary Stage artistic director Alvin Tan recalled how students at matinee performances took interactivity to a different level.
"One girl would start to tease another about an actor onstage. During a scene in which a character who is upset takes off his shirt, they would giggle," said Alvin, 44.
"Of course it upsets me. But at the same time, I'm more forgiving with the younger audiences. Sometimes, there are older people who talk as if they are in a movie. And in a black box venue, unwrapping a sweet wrapper can be very loud."
But lest you put the blame squarely on teens and uncles and aunties, Karen pointed out: "The best-dressed people come in late. And these are the ones who should know better. But when the phone rings with a ring tone from a Beyoncé song they will pick it up."
Whoever the culprit, the bottom line is that someone (or something) suffers.
While taking photographs in museums isn't so much a big problem (although the flash can startle people), the really big problem is all the touching.
Szan pointed out that the natural oil on one's fingers can accumulate on an artefact, which may eventually affect its quality.
As for staged productions, these displays of bad manners can throw one off-whack.
During last year's staging of The Pillowman, this reporter witnessed an obviously bored dude trying to entertain himself by distracting his date. He did so by getting romantic with her thigh just as the characters onstage were viciously going for the jugular.
I couldn't decide which one was more terrifying.
Audience participation
The reasons some people misbehave vary.
Szan mused that the "man on the street" may have the impulse to touch something to "verify if it is real". "They reach out to have that sense of amazement and you can see it on their faces," she explained.
Karen doesn't think people set out to be deliberately rude. "It's just representative of the manners of Singaporeans and people have different definitions of manners."
And sometimes, you just have to take manners into your own hands.
"When I'm in the audience and I hear a phone ring, I turn to that person and tell him or her: 'Don't answer!'" said Karen.
If that fails to inspire good etiquette tell on them. The venues that TODAY talked to all said they have guidelines when it comes to unruly audience members.
They also gave assurances that their ushers would come to save the play by reminding people to mind their manners. And should someone complain and ask for a refund, it will be considered on a case-by-case basis.
For one particular theatre lover who shall hide behind the fictional name of "Randy" an embarrassing moment overseas taught him a valuable lesson.
"In Singapore, people who arrive late often abuse the ushers to let them in," he said.
"But when I went to France and arrived late at a show, the ushers scowled at me. And as I was led to my seat, the audience stared at me! It is also the audience's job to reinforce the etiquette. I will never be late again."
Did you read that, Mr Roast Beef Sandwich Man?TODAY/ar
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