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Whoa there... Johnny Depp and Christian Bale are waving their Mutual Admiration Society membership cards right before our very eyes.
"I certainly like his work a great deal. I think he's very unique. I like the choices that he makes and how much he does his own thing," Christian, 35, cooed about his co-star to the international press.
Half an hour later, during the latter's separate press conference, Johnny, 46, did the same: "I admire him a lot as a man, as a father and as an actor. He's a good guy."
Aww... Group hug!
Both are in the new Michael Mann action flick Public Enemies, a biopic of infamous bank robber John Dillinger during the Great Depression.
While Johnny takes on the lead role, Christian plays his nemesis, FBI Agent Melvin Purvis.
But even as much as we admire these two Hollywood powerhouses who have amassed a sizeable number of unforgettable movie characters (think Edward Scissorhands, Jack Sparrow, Patrick Bateman, Batman...), your hardworking journalists here at TODAY do occasionally like to stir things up.
So we thought, why not pit the Sparrow against the Bat?
WHY CHRISTIAN KICKS JOHNNY'S BUTT
The main reason of course, is that Christian Bale actually can and will do this if you make him angry.
Which is why our precautionary measures were all well in place before the guy who played Batman and allegedly assaulted his mum and sister around the same time stepped into the room.
Two quick SMSes: One to my mother apologising for greeting her a day after her birthday three years ago, another to my editor to keep an eye out for another story to fill the page just in case.
After all, it's hard to type when you're encased in a body cast.
But to our surprise, the YouTube phenomenon that was Christian The Short-Tempered On-Set Meanie was absent. In his place was Christian The Well-Behaved Celebrity.
Both actors are known to be wary of the media. But while Johnny would later give some wimpy, half-arsed, politically correct description of the "loss of anonymity" in being a celebrity as, you know, big sigh, "a bit of a drag at times", Christian made no apologies for stupid questions.
Midway through the press conference, someone asked: "What are you wearing today?"
Christian paused, looked down at his black T-shirt. "I'm wearing a... T-shirt?"
Unfazed, the journalist pressed on. "Which brand?"
For an instant, a look that was half-disbelief and half-amusement crossed Bale's face. "What do you mean? Who made the t-shirt?"
And then, without waiting for an answer, he deftly ignored the reporter, going instead into an exposition on the aesthetic merits of the Great Depression.
Christian's somewhat slack attitude towards fashion - black Asylum cap pulled down over a face sporting facial hair gone amok and a pair of worn-out New Balance sneakers - also extends to his film-making philosophy.
When another, more sensible, journalist wondered if he was ever amazed by his recent good run of movies - The Dark Knight, Terminator Salvation and now Public Enemies - Christian simply shrugged.
"I've never been a particularly ambitious person. I just find that tiring. I really like the work. I like acting more than being an actor... I really have no plan. I have no strategy!"
So you see, Christian kicks Johnny's butt because he's one of us: Sloppy, lacking in ambition, with his bleeding heart on his sleeve.
That black T-shirt that the known environmental activist was wearing? It had the logo of marine wildlife conservation group Sea Shepherd.
Jack Sparrow, what have you done for the fishies of the Caribbean?
WHY JOHNNY KICKS CHRISTIAN'S BUTT
The main reason of course, is that for one day at least, Christian Bale looked like a Neanderthal compared to the timeless Johnny Depp - the only guy we know who can look hot with greasy long hair.
Everything about him seemed effortless. His dapper fashion sense. The way he coolly surveyed all four rows of journalists in a way that can only be described as "Well, well, looks like I've got you all in the palm of my hand".
And, finally, his accent. Johnny has a strange, unidentifiable accent that we can only surmise as "American Southerner who's lived in the South of France for years".
But at least he's consistent.
His onscreen nemesis, Christian, was like a method actor with attention deficit disorder during the press conference - going from Southern drawl to English posh in the space of one sentence.
The LA-based Welsh actor had said earlier: "I'm kind of a slow learner. Once I get something I have to hang on to it. If I don't use it, I lose it very quickly. So, I found early on I'm not the kind of actor with the talent to be able to turn things on and off so fast."
Dude, the shoot's over.
While Christian admits to working hard for each and every line of dialogue, taking the fun out of everything he does, Johnny has got this "new age-y" shtick going on.
He just "hears voices" in his head and, voila, he connects with his character!
Here's how he got into the role of Dillinger: "The key for me to finally hearing him speak and hearing his voice in my head was when I realised he was born and raised in Mooresville, Indiana, about 80 miles from where I was born and raised in Owensboro, Kentucky, just across the Iowa River.
"I suddenly heard my grandfather speak. He had, in 1933 or thereabouts, kind of taken matters into his own hands and provided moonshine in Eastern Kentucky and Western Virginia."
Christian blabbered on about "plentiful research which was available for me to look at", the intricacies of handling a Thompson sub-machine gun, and other details sure to alienate half of the world's population.
Yeah, Christian should take a leaf from Johnny and just learn how to relax. The trick, apparently, is to buy your own island - which is what Johnny did after the whole Pirates of the Caribbean thing got too big for him.
"After being swung around the world on location, babbling incessantly other people's words for your job, to go and sit and stare at the horizon for a little while... I think it might add a couple of minutes to your life."
Yeah, Christian, he's talking to you. You're not Batman in real life, you know.
Public Enemies opens in cinemas on Thursday.
- TODAY/yb
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