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RATING:   
Dear Indy,
Welcome back. How long has it been? Nineteen years? That long, huh? We just watched your new movie — rather, Harrison Ford’s — and it brought back fond memories. You still looked swashbuckling-ly good in that fedora hat and leather jacket (don’t you ever clean it?), you haven’t lost your flair for the whip and you’re still as funny as ever.
It is now the Cold War and instead of friendly neighbourhood Nazis after your head, it’s a bunch of Soviet secret agents who want you dead. I must say, their leader, sharp-looking Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett), is quite fetching,although I’m not really sure about her Russian accent at times.
So, you’re both after the lost Crystal Skull of Akator, which releases the powers in the mythical city of El Dorado. But first, you have to find it.
Sounds like a typical Indiana adventure to us — although it could also be an episode of the X-Files since the skull looks like an alien’s and your first clue was in a government warehouse somewhere in that UFO magnet Area 51. It’s a TV show you’d love but you’ll have to wait till 1993.
It was fun trying to spot all the allusions to your prior adventures. You know, your fear of snakes, tipping your fedora to your departed friend Marcus Brody and your dad, and, of course, the return of that feisty love-of-your-life MarionRavenwood (Karen Allen) from the first movie. I see you’ve still got chemistry. You go, stud.
But you do realise young people will only get these references if they’ve got the DVDs, right? Nineteen years, my friend. Nineteen years.
I must say, your director Steven Spielberg can still create that Indy magic when he wants to — the exhilarating car chase in the middle of the Amazon rainforest was crazy and that explosion scene with the refrigerator was :a perfect Indy moment.
By the way, love your scenes with young Mutt (Shia LaBeouf). Too bad you had to spend time with Marion.
Also, we know you’ve grown old and all, but we’re quite disappointed you didn’t travel that much for this one. Mexico and Peru? Come on! You could’ve at least gone to China. Everyone does these days.
Your new adventure isn’t enough for us to petition for two more, but we also wouldn’t mind if you did. But if you finally decide to hang up your fedora, dear Indy, this movie would be a nice postscript to an illustrious career.
Hey, maybe you could start a family. Celebrity babies are, like, totally cool in the future.
Yours sincerely,
Mayo Martin
- TODAY/ra
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