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SINGAPORE: Why is it that some men get all the dates and others can't even get one?
It is all down to guts and skill, according to 'SD', lead instructor, seductionsingapore.com, who has been running dating bootcamps for men in the lead up to Valentine's Day.
"I have met at least 1,400 singles within a year – and I am able to see what the common patterns are. But as long as men have these two areas taken care of, I guarantee they will have a successful dating life."
SD believes that guts can be developed and skills can be learned to woo potential partners or at least increase the chances of meeting the right one.
The purpose of the bootcamp is to share his knowledge and help those who are constantly frustrated at their lack of success when trying to meet women – after all, he was one of them not too long ago.
"At age 20-plus, I hadn’t even kissed a girl. I had not held a girl’s hand. Relatives were asking me every Chinese New Year, 'Found a girlfriend already or not?'," he recalls.
"But given the military setting I was in, it was almost impossible to meet women... it became real bad... I almost considered signing on full-time in my air force unit with a six-year contract and forget about finding a girlfriend."
But SD did not take that path. Instead, armed with curiosity and a disbelief that American self-help books were the answer to a Singaporean 'nerd’s' predicament, SD set out to find out what it was that really attracted women to men.
"Don't plead," is among SD’s top three tips on how not to get a woman to go out with you, after years of 'on the field' research. "Not once have I seen that work."
Instead, his recommendation is to be playful, carefree and spontaneous rather than take things so seriously. "Nine out of ten men dread dating... but it’s meant to be a fun lifestyle."
Now very comfortable in a steady relationship with his girlfriend, SD looks back on all the reasons why it did not work in the past. "I was trying to be rigid, straight, stupid, silly... but what works is when you’re playful and carefree."
"I still date my girlfriend, and when I get married I still will," he says, stressing that dating shouldn’t be feared as the be all and end all of a relationship.
He also advises Singaporean men not to give too much data - "How many dogs, family members... it’s all just data! Instead, have emotional exchange with a lady and conversations based on feelings."
"For instance, if you’re talking about travel, ask questions like, ‘What did it feel like, so what’s it like?’ If you have this emotional exchange, you’re more likely to be remembered after a date."
Using his understanding of 'how men think', SD has developed a technical approach to dating women, with certain steps, guidelines and logical exercises that guarantee success.
Common terms used in his handbook include 'Permanent Confidence Armour', 'Approach ON mode', 'Tangent Talker', and 'Attraction-Loaded storytelling'.
But by no means does he feel that Singaporean men will lose their personality after attending his bootcamp.
"Having guts is not to replace personality, but it’s an add-on."
"We are facing a crisis in Singapore, because men are not dating women – the average man in his 20s is faced with a mountain of stuff – it’s 7pm on a Friday and when he is supposed to go out and socialise, he instead stays back for a teleconference."
"And for the current generation of teenagers, there is a big incentive to not go out and socialise, with the Xbox, Playstation and Internet keeping them at home."
What is also preventing men from going out, according to SD, is the Asian mentality. "Generally Asians are conservative and would rather rely on chance – that is what causes men not to approach women... In general, men are becoming less bold."
So what SD hopes to encourage among Singaporean men is to be more bold and active on the dating scene, and to develop the right skills before trying their luck.
"Some men, out of ten women can attract maybe seven, some attract two or zero. We have developed a system to increase this number, learning concepts how to attract a lady, certain stories to provoke certain emotions within a lady."
But this is not to be misconstrued as being insincere.
"I don’t blame [some women] who say we are training men to become players. They’re offended because it doesn’t conform to 'be a natural process'. When it is technical, it rattles some mindsets."
"But we don’t train men to be players, even though some of the information can be misused. We are focused on the man who has been trying to go out with a girl four to five months now, but can’t. We are not interested in men who use this to destroy women’s lives."
And it seems the training is proving effective for Singaporean men – of the 100-plus men who have been through the two-day weekend bootcamp since 2005, SD is proud to say only three have asked for a refund (the course provides a money-back guarantee).
The course continues to be available after Valentine’s Day, once a month at the end of each month. - CNA/yy
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