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SINGAPORE: Man - with a few grey hairs - meets woman. But instead of asking for her number, quietly hopes to see her at the next social gathering.
Welcome to the world of dating for singles over 40, where the norm is intense rumination instead of a headlong plunge into a relationship. Cautious they may be, but over 100 such singles have joined Dr Liu Weiying's Over Forty Singles Club in a year, proving that being over 40 doesn't mean being over the hill.
The idea of bringing middle-aged singles together came about after Dr Liu, a Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) physician, treated a male patient at her clinic. The man was in his 50s and "felt like his time to meet someone had passed", she said.
"I thought, 'Why not create opportunities to bring singles together?' In 10 to 20 years' time, there will be more elderly living alone. If we can bring them together, it reduces the burden on their families and society. And if they are happy, their physical well-being improves as well," said Dr Liu, 55, who added that most singletons' families were supportive.
She registered the club in 2006, but began organising social activities only about a year ago with the help of an assistant. Gatherings typically include meals and dance or karaoke sessions, but she has also conducted health talks at coffee houses for members, imparting tips on maintaining good skin and managing painful joints.
Membership costs $180 a year, and they also foot the cost of hosting social events.
Asked how the older set differs from those in their 20s or 30s, she said: "They tend to think more. It's more complicated, unlike young people who just fall in love. If they're wealthy, they'll wonder if potential partners are after their money. As for the women, they fear getting cheated."
One club member, 50-year-old assistant associate manager Kent Chan, said "outlets" to meet fellow singles are few for people above 40. He joined Dr Liu's club to socialise and meet more women, and would like to see more activities catering to special interest groups.
Another member, Betty, a civil servant in her 40s, said she joined to "get to know more people, but of course, it would be even better if I find someone". She has been to the club's barbecue and karaoke sessions and got along well with a divorcee with kids. "We chatted but it didn't go further," said Betty, adding that she prefers someone without children.
When asked what she looks for in a man, she replied: "You're more idealistic when you are younger, there are more things that you look out for. As you get older, you tend to 'minus, minus, minus', and companionship becomes more important."
Of the members in her club, Dr Liu estimates that one-fifth are widows or widowers like herself, and the rest are divorcees and those who've never married. Membership is open to all races, said the club's founder.
Dr Liu lost her husband in a car accident in 2001. He was a Singapore Government scholar working in China, whom she had met through friends. They moved to Singapore in 1991 after marrying and she is now a Singapore citizen.
She has yet to meet someone through the social club, but said there have been three success stories. One couple - a 62-year-old man and a 47-year-old woman - met at the club's inaugural tea party, and "it was love at first sight", she said.
For those not keen on mass gatherings, the dedicated doctor also arranges for singles to meet one-on-one at her clinic, Beijing Health Life Centre, in Clementi - after she closes for the day.
"Helping sick patients is my passion, but if I hadn't opened a TCM clinic, I would have started a dating agency," she said.
To join: Visit http://www.geocities.com/clubforover40singles/, or call 9699 0878. - TODAY/fa
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