Shame, guilt and gender expectations: Behind the challenges facing female drug offenders

SINGAPORE: In search of an energy booster while juggling work and caring for three young children, Syamlia tried methamphetamine – a drug more commonly known as ice – for the first time.

It worked initially for the then 22-year-old, giving her a “high” to fight exhaustion. But very quickly, she realised she was no longer able to function without the drug.

Ms Syamlia, now 37, told CNA she tried to go cold turkey many times, but couldn't fight the addiction on her own. Even then, fears of shame and judgment held her back from coming clean and seeking help from her parents and husband. She was also worried about losing her children.

“In our community, women are supposed to behave, be a good wife, be a good mother (and) look after the children, and don’t do bad things,” Ms Syamlia said. “I felt like I couldn't tell anyone.”

“It's not that I don't know there is help like IMH (Institute of Mental Health) but if I go there, what happens? If they arrest me, what happens to my children?”

Ms Syamlia, who battled the addiction for a decade before entering rehab, is not alone.

Due to gender-related norms, female drug abusers often report higher feelings of shame, guilt and self-blame than men, said experts.

“The societal pressure to conform to traditional roles as good wives or mothers can instil fear of judgment, exacerbating feelings of hopelessness and helplessness,” said Dr Eliza Yong, senior counsellor at IMH’s National Addictions Management Service.

The additional fear of losing custody of children, coupled with concerns over jobs and family support, make women less likely to seek or complete treatment, she added.

An annual report from the Central Narcotics Bureau earlier this year showed more female drug abusers being arrested in 2023, with the number rising 11 per cent to 454 from 408 in 2022. Women made up 15 per cent of all arrested drug abusers last year, up from 14 per cent.

Among the new abusers in 2023, 182 were female, compared with 171 in 2022.

Experts that CNA spoke to did not think the increased numbers should trigger any alarms as yet. They noted that the overall number of female drug abusers in Singapore remains small.

But there remains a need to understand the unique issues – shaped by biological differences and culturally defined roles - faced by women, and to have more gender-based addiction treatment, they said.

GENDER-SPECIFIC CHALLENGES

For example, women are often introduced to drugs by someone close to them such as a partner or family member. This, according to IMH’s Dr Yong, typically involves a background of abuse, neglect or trauma.

Echoing that, Ms Isabel Tan, after-care case manager at the Singapore Anti-Narcotics Association (SANA), said women in these circumstances would be unable to seek proper help or find healthy ways to cope with feelings of hopelessness, fear and anger.

This then leads to drug abuse as a coping mechanism.

In other cases, drugs are used as “self-medication” for chronic pain, exhaustion and weight control. This stems from experimentation or a lack of education or access to information, experts said.

Regardless, female drug abusers may quickly find themselves deep in addiction as they are “prone to developing drug dependence faster than men”, said Dr Yong.

Women also experience physical and mental health repercussions “sooner and often to a greater extent than men”, she added.

When it comes to seeking help, female drug abusers face obstacles that go beyond stigmatisation for violating gender-role expectations.

Traditional norms that see women laden with excessive home responsibilities and caregiving duties might also mean that some drug abusers are simply too overwhelmed to consider help, said Ms Tan.

“There are so many things going on in their lives that they are just unable to proactively think about recovery, or they are so used to the situation to the point where they feel it is what it is."

Ms Syamlia was introduced to ice by a friend who seemed to have it all together, despite also being a young mother with a full-time job.

“My thinking at that point was ‘let me try this out to see if it helps with my life’,” she recalled. “It helped for a short period of time but in the long run, I lost everything.”

Ms Syamlia was eventually arrested and sentenced to a year at the drug rehabilitation centre in 2018.

While her time there was an emotional rollercoaster, it also offered a space where she could finally think straight and focus on her problems without “trying to run away” from loved ones who found out about her addiction, she recalled.

“I couldn't stop thinking like what if I go out and my children don't want me anymore?”

That became the jolt she needed to turn her life around. Syamlia has since stayed drug-free.

“DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD”

Not everyone succeeds in finding their footing.

Experts have said relapse is a real threat for drug abusers of any age. The solution involves treating not just the addiction, but also addressing other issues present in the lives of the abusers.

For women, relational factors usually play a big role in the recovery process, said Ms Tan, citing ongoing research by SANA on female drug abusers and their efforts to desist or not reoffend.

To be considered a drug desistor, offenders would have to be both drug-free and crime-free for at least five years, as an indicator of stable abstinence.

Ms Tan said those who manage to do so are typically motivated to change for their loved ones and have received support, be it emotional or financial, from significant others.

On the other hand, those who relapse tend to have less supportive relationships such as conflict with families or the presence of drug-taking partners.

“Judgment and criticism from the family could further shame and traumatise women recovering from drug abuse,” said Dr Yong, noting that relationships can serve as a “double-edged sword”.

In the case of a former drug abuser who wished to be known as Amy, it was a desire to not let her son down that helped her stay clean since last year.

Amy’s struggle with drug abuse started after a family member introduced her to ice when she was 24. Multiple rehabilitation programmes bore no fruit, until it dawned on her that not mending her ways might mean continuing to be absent for key moments in her son’s growing-up years.

“When I was in DRC (drug rehabilitation centre) for the second time, I didn’t get to see him start to talk and walk. I already missed two of his birthdays,” said the 33-year-old single mother. 

“I don’t want to miss out anymore. It’s not worth it … and I understand how that feels because when I was growing up and needed my mum, she was never there,” Amy told CNA in an interview last month.

“I don’t want my son to go through that.”

REGAINING SELF-WORTH

To help female ex-offenders start afresh, support programmes can include help with relationship issues, family conflicts and caregiving difficulties, experts said.

Over at the Rise Above Halfway House – the country’s first secular, all-women rehabilitative centre – those are already key areas of their work.

Halfway houses are where inmates spend the last part of their prison sentence to help them reintegrate into society.

With that in mind, the all-women team at Rise Above helps residents reconnect with families by facilitating visits or sessions to resolve issues. 

Part of that involves managing the home and caregiving responsibilities that tend to “come right away” after they leave prison, said assistant senior social worker Nur Hamizah Rahim.

“Expectations (for a female offender) to carry out your role as a mother, wife or daughter are usually quite immediate. Once they are out, they feel the pressure of their families who are waiting, like ‘You’re a mother. When are you coming back to your children?’

“Not just families, there will also be different requests from their children’s schools or government agencies … That’s where we come in and we guide, not just the residents, but also the families to manage expectations and tell everyone to take it one step at a time,” said Ms Hamizah.

Doing so will help the women regain their confidence and self-worth, she added.

WHAT MORE CAN BE DONE

Having more resources tailored for women in recovery is the way forward, the experts said. 

These can include training more frontline staff and having clinics cater to the unique needs of women drug addicts, said IMH’s Dr Yong.

Rise Above’s centre manager Saleha Rashidi suggested that intensive trauma therapy be made available to ex-offenders even after leaving prison or halfway houses.

Noting how women who abuse drugs need time to work through their complex trauma, she said: “It's like learning about your own demons and reworking your relationship with addiction. I don’t think this can be done within the short time that our residents have with us."

There could also be more than just two female-only halfway houses, experts said.

Apart from Rise Above which opened in September 2022, the first all-women halfway house is Turning Point in Sembawang, which was set up in 1990 by a Christian charity.

Amy described the six months she had at Rise Above as “a breath of fresh air”.

There, she became an avid learner, signing up for various classes on haircutting, elderly nursing care, preparing for work interviews and financial and digital literacy.

“I told myself to take this opportunity to learn as many things as I can because this is the only time that I will have to do this for myself,” said Amy, who's now working as a barista in a café.

Another way to better help female drug abusers is to have more women peer support specialists with lived experience and who can better relate to the needs of women facing addictions, said experts such as IMH’s Dr Yong and SANA’s Ms Tan.

That is what Ms Syamlia has been doing since her release from the rehabilitation centre.

Through her role as a peer leader with SANA, she makes public speeches and takes on media interviews in hope of motivating others to turn their lives around.

Not everyone in her family is supportive. Her mother, for one, worries this might jeopardise her work or other aspects of life.

“I told my mother that if everyone were to be ashamed of telling their story, then how will those who are stuck, especially the young people, know how to get out?” said Ms Syamlia, who works as an office administrator.

“Because I didn't know that I could move on from my mistake. I thought I was stuck with my history of being a drug addict … until I heard success stories. So, I know sharing can help.”

Thankfully, she gets constant encouragement from one of her biggest supporters – her eldest daughter.

“There was one time when my daughter said she saw posters of me (for an anti-drug campaign) at an MRT station. I asked if she felt embarrassed," said Ms Syamlia, with a big smile on her face.

“But my daughter said, ‘Mummy, it doesn’t matter what you did last time as long as you are changing now, and you are doing something good by giving back to the community'.”