More than just small talk: The art of making authentic connections at networking events

Having spent six years in the finance sector, speaking to complete strangers at corporate mixers and professional networking events for her work used to be a frequent occurrence for Ms Jaclene Liew.

A tea break during a trade seminar? She would get ready to start handing out business cards. Or, if it was a meeting over lunch, she would plan what conversation opener to use for potential clients.

Over time, though, Ms Liew began to realise how transactional these meetings were and how they often did not result in anything productive.

Today, the 30-year-old runs a “wine and run” social outfit called the Momentum Running Club, for like-minded people to drink and socialise after exercising together.

Unlike her past networking attempts where she would try to hit a quota of people to meet at every event or name cards to hand out, Ms Liew, who runs her own wine business, now prioritises creating genuine connections.

She organises at least four gatherings a month for Momentum Running Club and spends her time connecting attendees who have similar interests or career goals.

“Every single time after (the sessions), people tell me that they enjoyed it and made new connections. I love that everybody walks away feeling like they're friends,” she said.

As an intern still in university, I also have had awkward experiences in large media-related trade shows, trying to meet people who might help connect me to potential job openings.

Finding a positive outcome from these massive networking events seemed like a game of chance. And the science of trying to leave a good impression in such a scenario baffles me completely.

However, no matter how dreadful they are, I know that these networking sessions are still part and parcel of professional life.

So, what do I need to learn to become a social butterfly at these mixers? To find out, I spoke to several experts.   

NETWORKING IS LIKE PLANTING SEEDS

The first golden advice I got from various career guidance experts was to research the topics and speakers who will be present at the networking session before attending the event.

Not only does this ensure that I have my own talking points ready, it also demonstrates proactivity and genuine interest on my part.

Ms Cindi Wirawan, career coach and founder of Cindiw, which provides career coaching programmes, said: “It’s a common misconception that people network because they need something, like a job or new client.” 

Instead, she recommended focusing on how I could provide value, such as sharing relevant insights related to the other person’s industry, connecting people with similar interests (like Ms Liew), or highlighting relevant job opportunities .

She likened networking to planting seeds and tending to a garden, because meaningful connections are cultivated over time.

What most people generally do instead is that they start networking only when they need something. For instance, she has seen how jobseekers – ranging from final-year university students to mid-career professionals – attend networking sessions only when they are looking to be employed.

This approach hinders authentic relationships and reinforces the transactional nature of networking sessions, when it does not have to be that way.

Mr Gerald Tan, projects director at career guidance service provider Avodah People Solutions, agreed that networking is a give-and-take for all parties.

“By offering information and opportunities, you build credibility ... When the time comes to ask for help, the law of reciprocity kicks in. Because you have helped someone before, they’ll be inclined to return the favour,” he said.

SIMPLIFY, DON'T RUSH

Okay, so now you're at the networking session and you see someone who might be open for a chat with a complete stranger. What do you do?

For one thing, the experts I interviewed said that first impressions are key, and it starts with a good personal introduction and an elevator pitch, otherwise known as a short speech to convey a key message or to persuade someone to do something.

Ms Sherrin Lim, training director at Imageworks, a consultancy specialising in personal branding, said one step that is often overlooked is to find a way to make your own name memorable among the crowd of attendees.

"So what makes you stand out? Witty and clever acronyms can help create a lasting impression and make your name easier to recall,” Ms Lim suggested.

Do not rush through the introduction, she said. Instead, I should consciously slow down my talking speed to let the other person process the new information. 

Remembering the networking events that I have attended, I thought that this was a useful piece of advice because it really is a challenge to commit a person's name to memory in such situations. Sometimes, it is hard to hear a person's name, occupation and title accurately. 

Another plus side of slowing down my speech is that it gives me a few extra seconds to compose my nerves and organise my thoughts.

Ms Wirawan the career coach said that when discussing job roles, simplify it and make the description “engaging and relatable” so that even those outside my industry can understand what I do,

She added: “When I was training some PhD students, their introductions used terms like ‘water engineering’ and ‘hydraulics’. As a lay person, I wouldn’t know what they actually do.

“So, I (refined their) introduction to ‘I'm the person who makes your toilet water drinkable’. That is relatable because everybody has a toilet and everybody drinks water.”

Mr Tan from Avodah People Solutions also suggested preparing a succinct elevator pitch ahead of time. In my case, a good pitch could include the impact of my journalistic work, why I find the job fulfilling and my future plans.

It is also a good idea to be open about my intentions for attending the networking session in the first place.

Providing an example, he said: "I'm in sales and marketing. It’s a good fit for me because I love talking to people and sharing good deals with them. If I can, I would want to share good deals to help people improve their lives even more." 

The point of an elevator pitch is to be memorable, Mr Tan added. It is not meant to be a summary of your entire work experience. 

STAYING ON TRACK

Once a conversation begins, it is tempting to keep it going for as long as possible, but this is a common mistake, Mr Tan said.

He also said that I must be cognisant of the limited time in a networking event and that my conversation partner or I myself may want to move on to other attendees. I should also look out for my conversation partners' body language and wrap up soon if they show signs of disinterest.

To stay on track, the experts recommended that I should set both quantitative and qualitative goals for myself when attending these events.

A quantitative goal could be the number of people with whom I get to strike meaningful conversations, whereas a qualitative goal might be to see if I may deepen my understanding of an industry, for example. 

As someone who turns into chatterbox after breaking out of my shell, I admit that I do get carried away in conversation and forget the bigger picture of why I might be there.

Setting realistic and balanced goals can help me strategise my way around a professional mixer, the experts said. As for which to prioritise, Ms Wirawan said that quality goals should come first.

Agreeing, Ms Lim from Imageworks said: “People aim to meet as many people as possible because it usually means more potential opportunities. While it's not wrong, focusing on making many quick connections without considering depth isn’t a good idea. It doesn't allow meaningful relationships to form.”

Another key to an effective networking session is a proper follow-up after the event is over.  

To this end, Mr Tan said that I should exchange LinkedIn or phone contacts and follow up with the people I have met within 24 hours of the event. Summarise the topics discussed, thank them for their time and leave the door open for future communication, he added. 

I should also make it a point to check in with my newfound connections, such as by sending relevant news articles or discussing common topics of interest, or sending greetings on their birthdays and during cultural celebrations.

Outside of work, the friendships that bloom from these networking events can result in reliable friends and mentors, Ms Wirawan said.

The friends she had met through networking helped her ease into life in Singapore and Australia when she moved between both countries.

“The more things you find in common, the higher the chance that someone can become a friend and mentor,” she said.

“I have many mentors in my career that are also my life mentors, and they offer me advice with relationships. They are there for me when I need them.”