Love, Dad: Man with cerebral palsy tries to be the ‘father he never had’ to his daughters

SINGAPORE — Barely five months after he was born with cerebral palsy in 1964, Mr Alan Pek was placed in the care of a foster family because his biological parents had decided that they did not want to raise him.

His condition meant that he took much longer to walk and speak than his peers. He had to be piggybacked to school until he was in kindergarten. He underwent session after session of speech therapy as a child.

You could say that it was a life destined to be difficult. 

Yet, fast forward nearly six decades and Mr Pek, 60, was speaking to TODAY articulately, animatedly, unabashedly — now an assistant vice-president of a major international bank, a graduate of a university in the United Kingdom and a proud father of two.

“The only thing I give up on is ‘giving up’ itself,” he said with his trademark grin in his cosy four-room flat in Jurong West.

Mr Pek’s smile was at all times wide and infectious. Then, when he spoke about his children, he beamed. 

His older daughter is 22 years old and a final-year student at the Laselle College of the Arts. His younger daughter, 18-year-old Pek Ling Fei, studies at the Lee Kong Chian Gardens School at Movement of the Intellectually Disabled of Singapore (Minds), and is neurodivergent.

Early in her life, Miss Pek Ling Fei was diagnosed with an intellectual disability known as global developmental delay. Due to her condition, she has a limited vocabulary and often feels overstimulated in crowded places with loud noises, at times triggering meltdowns where she cries uncontrollably in public. 

She also tends to get anxious in the presence of strangers, but she was comfortable being herself in the presence of her dad’s guests on this day.

As the interview was done at the coffee table and Mr Pek was talking about the many obstacles he has had to face growing up with cerebral palsy, his younger girl broke into dance a stone’s throw away in the living room.

He turned his gaze towards her and gushed with pride: “She’s incredible.” 

In all his years of being a father, with all its highs and lows, Mr Pek said that he has learnt to “embrace every moment, and (do so) with unconditional empathy”. 

PERSONS WITH DEDICATION

Mr Pek is a man not short of confidence in his own abilities in work and in life. From the variety of experiences that he shared with TODAY over two hours, it was clear that he does not view his cerebral palsy as a debilitating ailment. 

He asked this reporter what “PWD” stands for, an acronym commonly used for persons with disabilities. 

When told the answer, he countered: “No. The ‘D’ stands for dedication, determination.” 

When he sat for his Primary School Leaving Examination decades ago, he had been given an extra 30 minutes to finish his papers. He left the examination hall earlier than his peers and still aced the exam. 

When he was not allowed to convert his overseas driving licence to one valid for use in Singapore, he dutifully took all his theory tests again and surprised his driving instructors with his abilities on the road. 

He also encountered a fair share of scepticism from peers when he was hired by Deutsche Bank 27 years ago. He is now a senior member and an integral part of the bank’s global infrastructure team, where over the years, he has had to coordinate projects around the clock.

With a neurodivergent daughter and years of experiencing discrimination for his condition, Mr Pek has done his bit to try to make Singapore society more inclusive, starting at his own firm: He is one of the founding “fathers” of dbEnable, a voluntary group aimed at advocating for the employability of people who are differently abled.

The programme includes a work placement offering 10-week internships to neurodivergent students from Singapore’s universities, some of whom secure employment with the bank upon graduation. 

“Having experienced a lack of support upon joining the bank in 1997, I wanted to create an environment where interns felt welcomed and had someone to turn to.” 

As a “differently abled person”, he had always felt the need to work twice as hard to prove that he was just as capable as anyone else. And when it comes to parenting, Mr Pek brings that same level of energy and zeal.

His wife Sue Wong, 51, an auditor, said: “He’s always very positive… he brings light to our family and he is a very important pillar of our family.

“Being parents in Singapore is very stressful, but with what Alan experienced over the course of his life, he shows us that we can do it.”

‘CARE FOR THEM HOW YOU WANT TO BE CARED FOR’

At Minds, the teachers of Mr Pek's younger girl train and nurture her independent living skills, and expose her to various activities that involve music, art and sports, in addition to traditional academics, he said.

Still, he believes that parents play the most crucial role in a child’s development.

“Children need their fathers more than their fathers realise… I made myself a promise. If one day I become a father, I will not become like my own father.”

Although Mr Pek’s foster family provided him with “unwavering love and support”, his biological father had been absent in his adolescence, meeting him only during the annual Chinese New Year festivities later in his life.

As Mr Pek prepares to celebrate his 22nd Father’s Day this Sunday (June 16), he told me that he had always wanted to do for his children what his own father did not do for him.

Whether it be parent-teacher meetings, award ceremonies or overseas holidays, Mr Pek would not let his responsibilities at work and volunteer organisations stop him from being present at all of his daughters’ important milestones.

When asked what his fondest memories are of his daughters, he said without missing a beat: “Every moment is precious.”

He added: “My elder girl has grown into a fine young lady, with kindness and righteousness. We are also very open and can discuss anything under the sun. 

“As for Ling Fei, every accomplishment — from basic tasks like sleeping and dressing independently to moments of joy such as dancing and playing the electric organ — fills me with immense pride.

"Her laughter and comforting hugs are so precious.” 

Was he ever concerned that his cerebral palsy would be a hindrance to his parenting? 

“I always believed I could do it. But thinking that you ‘can’ is not enough, you must be willing to do it and put in the effort.”

As soon as he said this, like a moth to a flame, his younger daughter hopped over to her father and gently leaned against him, initiating a warm embrace. He appeared surprised by this, but he returned the gesture swiftly.

“Love you, love you, love you,” he said to her.