The Stories Behind: After a week in Egypt overseeing aid to Gazans, S'porean volunteer is trying to ease back into normal life without guilt

SINGAPORE — Most people would probably feel relieved to be home after a stint of humanitarian work near the front-lines of the Gaza war, but Ms Jacqueline Ng is riddled with guilt.

The security of being well away from the danger zone, along with the freshly cooked food on her Singapore dining table and the comforts such as clean running water all weigh on her.

Just a week or so ago, the 34-year-old had been packing and sourcing for essential supplies in Egypt to ensure that thousands of Palestinians would not starve.

Back home and during an interview with TODAY on Tuesday (April 30), she was in an air-conditioned room at the Singapore Red Cross' headquarters while sipping on bubble tea.

"There's no easy way to get rid of the guilt. You just have to live your life to the fullest with no regrets," she admitted, adding that she was still motivated to keep on volunteering.

Ms Ng was part of the Singapore Red Cross' first team of volunteers to visit Egypt to help with the humanitarian crisis from April 22 to 28.

She was helping to provide aid for displaced persons living in refugee camps in North Sinai — located close to the Gaza border — and to people inside war-torn Gaza itself.

The charity announced last Wednesday that it would be delivering its third tranche of aid worth US$600,000 (S$815,000) comprising much-needed food and medical supplies.

The war between Israel and militant group Hamas entered its 200th day last Tuesday, after an unprecedented Hamas attack on Israel last October that killed 1,170 people.

At least 34,500 people in Gaza have died since Israel launched a military offensive in retaliation, according to the health ministry in the Hamas-run territory on May 1.

When I met Ms Ng, I was surprised. I had half-expected her to be an overzealous person who might rattle on at length about her experiences and charity work.

Ms Ng volunteers with the Singapore Red Cross, Singapore Police Force and the animal charity Animal Concerns Research and Education Society regularly.

She was also among the first responders to the Laos floods in 2018 for the Singapore Red Cross. 

Instead, the woman I spoke to was calm and openhearted, and looked like another face in the crowd.

"I don't have much free time because all my time is spent on volunteering," Ms Ng said. She is starting up her own social enterprise, called Vanilla Jewels, that sells eco-friendly corporate gifts.

"But if I can bring about a positive impact and better someone's life, why not?"

VOLUNTEERING FOR SINGAPORE RED CROSS

Ms Ng was first drawn to volunteering when she was in secondary school and helping out during a newspaper donation drive organised by the school.

"I was the last one to leave," she recalled. "I was just loading the newspapers onto the trucks even after everyone had left. I don't know why, but I just enjoyed it."

In the midst of several volunteering stints, she discovered the Singapore Red Cross after taking a boating licence class in 2014.

Her boating instructor had said that she could help out in flood disaster relief and, hoping to put her new licence to good use, she volunteered with the charity.

That was 10 years ago. Fast forward to 2024, Ms Ng said that she and several volunteers were asked by the Singapore Red Cross to head to North Sinai to oversee the humanitarian aid delivery in Gaza.

Her parents, understandably worried over their daughter's safety, had tried to dissuade her but to no avail.

"I tried to assure them of the Red Cross protocol... such as being cautious of my surroundings and (having) a 'go bag' prepared. Nothing can stop me," she said.

Volunteering for the Singapore Police Force also helped with her situational awareness, she added.

The "go bag" is an emergency bag packed with necessities such as documents and food that volunteers can quickly grab and run in an urgent situation.

While in Egypt, the volunteers sourced for supplies to pack several parcels that are transported to Gaza via the land crossing, with the help of the Egyptian Red Crescent Society.

Ms Ng worked on the parcels for children and women, which provided necessities identified by Egyptian Red Crescent Society's volunteers for women and children in Gaza.

Other volunteers on the trip helped with the food parcels, which included basic necessities such as beans, flour and rice.

"There were some things that you expect, like menstrual products. But we also took into account cultural and religious needs, such as providing prayer socks and hijabs (head scarves and veils)," she said of the parcels for women.

"We also had several considerations like whether the product should be reusable or disposable, because we had to balance prices and also how practical it was."

By sourcing for items in Egypt, the team was able to reduce the cost of items by nearly half — which meant that they could deliver more parcels and help more Palestinians.

THE GUILT OF NEVER ENOUGH

The Singapore Red Cross estimated that the parcels would support 45,000 people, or about 9,000 families, for five to seven days.

However, the organisation's chief executive officer Benjamin William told the media last week that this was a "drop in the ocean" compared to the estimated 1.7 million people displaced by the ongoing war.

Ms Ng was visibly upset when I asked her thoughts on this — admitting that this was a guilt many volunteers struggled to deal with when providing aid, especially since there is no end in sight for the conflict in Gaza.

"But if you don't do anything at all, it could mean a person starving to death," she continued. "This is why we need awareness... and for people to contribute, donate and support relief efforts so we can help more people."

She added that she and the other volunteers were also frustrated while in Egypt because they could not get close to the Gaza border and to areas where refugees in need were staying.

However, they understood that this was for their safety, and that there were several clearances required to get near the border.

"I think we had to manage our expectations, because some things were beyond our control. Of course, we wanted to be there, to provide aid in person and relieve some of the struggles Palestinians face, but it was not possible.

"If we were to get injured, that could jeopardise future aid missions to Egypt and Gaza," she said, adding that the ongoing Gaza war is "volatile". "What if no other volunteers want to go to Egypt or Gaza because we had placed ourselves in danger and got injured?"

This was in stark contrast to her humanitarian aid trip to Laos, where she had been one of the first volunteers from Singapore Red Cross to arrive at the disaster site.

"We spent two days travelling there with no idea of which areas were dry and where we could stay," she recalled.

During that trip, she had to be more hands-on by securing sanitation and hygiene and alerting the Singapore Red Cross on the situation in Laos. 

While the two trips might have been quite different, Ms Ng said that she found solace in having done her best, and thinking about the impact that her efforts — however small they might be — may have on people in times of crisis.

"I started volunteering in person because I had no money to donate, so I donate my time. Now, I continue to donate my time because I find meaning in it," she said.

What's next for her? Ms Ng plans to focus on launching her business in June and to become a volunteer trainer at the Singapore Red Cross to equip more volunteers with the skills to provide humanitarian aid in crises.

She will also continue volunteering for the Singapore Red Cross' TransportAid service — which provides transport for elders and disabled persons to and from medical centres.

If given the opportunity, Ms Ng hopes to go on another aid trip for Gaza if her skill sets can support the charity's efforts.

As we wrapped up our interview, she asked if the article may include a donation link to the Singapore Red Cross' efforts for Gaza.

"The more donations we have, the more necessities we can deliver," she explained.

I wish I could be half as selfless as her.

To donate to the Singapore Red Cross' efforts for Gaza, visit redcross.sg/gazaresponse.