Commentary: Shattering the modesty myth — why women should claim due credit at work and at home
Social science research often finds that women, compared to men, are unduly modest and have a greater tendency to undersell their abilities.
Being a corporate communications professional, I am sometimes asked by friends to help vet their CV, LinkedIn profile or appointment announcement. Last week, a long-time friend joined a new company and forwarded to me a draft of her appointment announcement written by the human resources (HR) department head.
The draft had all the objective facts — her job title, years of experience, and so on — but lacked adjectives that would adequately illustrate her expertise and skill set. So, over WhatsApp texts, I told her to add words like “award-winning veteran” and “an empowering team leader”.
My suggestion was met with this response: “Nooo, not modest”, followed by a laughing emoticon.
I insisted; she resisted. In the end, my annoyance pushed me to type: “THINK LIKE A MAN!”
Social science research often finds that women, compared to men, are unduly modest and have a greater tendency to undersell their abilities. A 2019 Harvard Business Review study, for example, revealed a gender gap in self-promotion: Women provide less favourable assessments of their own performance than equally performing men.
Imagine a scenario where a woman and a man take the same test and score the same good results. Asked to describe their test performance, the man is much more likely than the woman to say he did well.
The implication is that the man, appearing more confident and expressive about his performance and abilities, is more likely to be hired and offered higher pay.
GENDER PAY GAP
In 2020, the Ministry of Manpower reported that the unadjusted gender pay gap in Singapore was 14 per cent — meaning that female workers earned 86 Singapore cents for every S$1 earned by their male counterparts. With so much at stake, why do women underplay our achievements and shy away from claiming due credit?
My take is that the conditioning starts at home.
Growing up, I watched how my late grandmother would wake up early during festive occasions like Chinese New Year to toil in the kitchen to prepare the yummiest food for the extended family. When praised for her efforts, she was always quick to dismiss the compliments, saying “It was nothing”.
Women of her generation were expected to labour behind the scenes; they were taught that being quietly dutiful was virtuous.
I saw this behaviour all around me — at home, from family and other relatives, and even on TV. Eventually, it seeped into my own sub-conscious.
Even now, when recounting a success story to family or colleagues, I default to the pronoun “we” rather than “I” to give the impression of collaboration or teamwork — yes, even when I’d made most of the contribution.
I’ve always reckoned that to claim credit for individual contribution would be too arrogant. There’s also the perpetual risk of falling victim to “tall poppy syndrome” where those who are seen to be more successful are more likely to be criticised. On the whole, women still face more pressure to be “likeable” compared to their male counterparts.
ADVOCATING FOR OURSELVES
The irony is that I have the urge and the energy to advocate for other women, broadcasting their achievements and cheering them on as their careers grow. But advocating for myself? Nooo, not modest.
In truth, I had been invited to submit a commentary years ago but had procrastinated until today, because I’d felt that I had nothing of value to say.
But I have something to say today: Let’s collectively challenge the assumption that claiming due credit is a sign of immodesty and champion the shift from modesty to empowerment together.
For me, writing this column is the first step towards boldly projecting my voice in the feminism space.
This International Women’s Day, I pledge to overcome my modesty and invite you to join me in acknowledging and celebrating your achievements, no matter which gender you identify with.
When given praise for your work, instead of “It was nothing”, simply say “Thank you, I’m glad that it was noticed”. Don’t automatically attribute your accomplishments to “teamwork” or group effort”, unless it truly was so.
When your achievements are overlooked, speak up politely. Share your success stories with the people around you, or get an advocate like me to share it on your behalf.
On that note, I’m happy to add that, after my nudging, my friend finally resolved to ask her HR department for an announcement that better reflects her accomplished career. And I claim credit for this step towards equality.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Janice Wong is an experienced strategic communications professional and holds a PhD in Business, with a research focus on corporate communications.
