Gen Y Speaks: Why I don’t turn green with envy when those around me do well

When I learned about my brother’s promotion recently, I was overjoyed. I immediately called him to congratulate him. However, that also reminded me of an incident.

When I got promoted last year, my family and friends celebrated the occasion with me. I posted some photos of the celebration on social media to thank them for supporting me in my career journey.

But a stranger came across the post and shared it in a WhatsApp group chat which I was not in. He wrote: “Look at this. It was just a promotion! It was not as though he struck a lottery or something. What’s the big deal?”

A close friend who happened to be in that group chat stood up for me and questioned the need for such a comment, asking: “Are you envious?”

That person replied: “Yes yes, so what?”

I found the episode puzzling as I do not know this person at all and cannot understand why he reacted that way.

But I don’t hold it against him. After all, he reminded me of my younger self.

Growing up, I was sometimes envious of my peers — even my close friends — who fared better than me in examinations. At times, they could literally see my turning green with envy, as I wore my heart on my sleeve.

The good thing is I also let go of such feelings pretty quickly so thankfully it didn’t affect my relationships with those around me.

However, as I got older and having seen ties between my friends break down due to envy, I have come to realise that there is no end to being envious of others.

A turning point came when I was 18.

I was working part-time as a retail assistant at a supermarket when a customer who was in her early 40s casually asked me: “You look young... on vacation job?”

I jokingly said: “Yes, but how I wish I am rich and do not have to work!”

She smiled and replied: “Well, be thankful for what you have — and that includes even a vacation job; because there are people who are happy with less than what you have.”

Her reply at my casual comment was spot on – I had focused too much on what was lacking in my life.

That encounter got me to reflect more deeply.

I recalled the advice of a tutor during my school days: “Before you sleep every night, think of three things that you should be grateful for.”

Gradually, I stopped comparing myself to others’ achievements and success, and started to count my blessings by focusing on what I have in life. The change in attitude was not difficult to come by.

So what happens now when I see others doing well? I share their joy.

Of course, this has to come from the heart. If not, the insincerity can easily be found out. Being genuine and empathetic is key to building trust, rapport and reciprocity for lasting relationships.

Late last year, I accepted an invitation from my friend Han to attend a business award ceremony. When he walked up the stage to receive his prize, the smile on his face was one of the widest I have ever seen.

Clearly, he had every reason to be overwhelmed with joy. He had devoted 18 months to building his startup, while pursuing a master’s degree.

Instead of being envious of his success, I find him an inspiration and an example of how perseverance and hard work do pay off.

The author with his friend Han, who wrote a note to thank him for his support after winning a business award. Photo courtesy of Ong Shen Kwang

Celebrating others’ joy helps me to learn and grow as an individual.

A year ago, I bumped into an ex-schoolmate who just assumed a new regional mid-management role at a reputable technology firm. We used to compete fiercely back in our school days — but lost touch after we went on to study in different universities.

If it were the younger me, I would have been negatively affected knowing that someone whom I once deemed as an “eye sore” is now doing well.

But I was now genuinely happy for him. There was nothing to be envious about, as he must have worked very hard to get to where he is today.

Since that chance meeting, we have kept in touch and I find his selfless sharing of his career experiences and advice useful.

I think there is much that millennials can learn from one another and by drawing inspiration from others’ achievements.

This is why I like to share on social media moments of me sharing others’ joy, with the hope that it will inspire others too.

Last month, I put up a LinkedIn post expressing my joy for my mentee’s attainment of a lean six sigma professional certification.

I was heartened by this note left by a reader: “Your reflections on what you have learned from celebrating others’ happiness have inspired me to do likewise!”

Of course, there will be a minority who lampoon these social media posts I put up and question if I can really be free of envy.

But I know where my heart is and will simply ignore them. As the saying goes: “Those who matter don’t mind; those who mind don’t matter.”

I find that celebrating others’ happiness has helped me reinforced a mindset of abundance and positivity that gives me inner peace.

Rather than being envious of others, be part of the happy occasion. The more you do so, the more likely you will know how to be genuinely happy for others and find happiness deep inside yourself.

In the current Covid-19 crisis, it is inevitable that some will be more badly affected than the others — making it easier for envy to sink in. Nonetheless, tough times shall pass.

The next time you see anyone sharing a piece of good news, you may wish to send a congratulatory note to him or her. Because you never know, a simple gesture can make someone’s day, and even yours.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Ong Shen Kwang works as a project facilitator in a local bank.