Gen Zen: Is there a point to making new year's resolutions? Here's how to do so with clear intentions and achievable goals

SINGAPORE — The clock is hours away from striking twelve at the time of writing, ushering in 2024 and bringing with it refreshed hopes for new beginnings.

But instead of looking ahead, I am looking back at a year in which I've yet to hit personal milestones and meet goals that I set out to achieve.

I have held off partaking in the multi-millennia-old tradition of penning down new year’s resolutions for 2024 because I am afraid that, for the umpteenth time come December, the boxes next to them remain unchecked. 

That would signal, in my own mind at least, failure to be disciplined, courageous, and, above all, mentally resilient enough to follow through.

Filled with conviction this time last year, I remember typing the words “Start that business. Shed the belly. Get more sleep" in my phone's Notes application.

I’m now typing this sentence with larger eyebags and a rounder stomach, with nary a step made towards any business pursuits.

It is somewhat comforting to know that I am not alone in this: a survey conducted by Forbes Health and OnePoll in October found that the average resolution lasts just 3.74 months before they are kicked to the curb.

Even then I wondered, if all resolutions do is make us experience varying levels of guilt, shame and disappointment on an annual basis, is there a point to this exercise at all?

A CHECKPOINT TO REFLECT AND REPRIORITISE

Yes there is, Ms Eunice Seah, a clinical psychologist at InPsyche Journeys Psychological Growth and Discovery, said when I reached out to her over this predicament.

"Resolutions can be helpful because it indicates our reflection and motivation to want to do something… to make a meaningful difference to an important part of our lives,” she said.

Indeed, a friend of mine recently told me that he crafts resolutions because it requires him to reflect on the year gone by — which parts of his life he is happy with, and what he needs to change in the year ahead. 

The practice of thinking about resolutions therefore may not be about the goal per se, but understanding on a deeper level what matters most to you.

As such, health and mental wellbeing experts said that our unachieved resolutions should not weigh too heavily on our minds.

Ms Seah said that it is understandable and natural for people to experience uncomfortable or difficult emotions like being demoralised or guilty when we don’t fulfil our goals.

At the same time, resolutions should not place “undue stress on one’s mental health”, said Mr Luke Guanlao, who is the group chief executive of Inspire Brands Asia, the parent company of SUMHIIT Fitness and Anytime Fitness Asia.

“We need to understand that not all goals will be met within a year,” he said, adding that this is especially the case when it comes to fitness.

SET ‘INTENTIONS’, OR MORE ACHIEVABLE ‘RESOLUTIONS’

Once you have identified your priorities for the year ahead, it might not even be necessary to write a traditional “laundry list of resolutions” that we likely will fail to stick to, according to the founder of advocacy group SG Mental Health Matters Anthea Ong.

If the thought of holding yourself to these tasks feels overwhelming, Ms Ong, a former Nominated Member of Parliament, suggested integrating a "broad intention" into everyday life instead. 

While a resolution is usually a goal that one can classify as accomplished or unaccomplished, an intention is a state of being that can be applied to every decision.

It can be a word like “kindness” or “gratitude”. It can also be a sentence like “I choose to prioritise my mental health”. 

For instance, Ms Ong shared that she had set “spaciousness” as her intention one year — which made her “very intentional” in creating space in her calendar and also drawing boundaries with other people. 

“It’s less easy to ‘fail’ an intention — you feel more empowered, and you still make improvements to your life,” she added.

“In short, our intention is about what we plan to be, not only what we plan to do."

Of course, there are instances where we feel our goals should be more precise, with regard to fitness or career progression for example. In these cases, they should be broken down into “small, manageable steps”, said Ms Seah. 

“It is like driving a car towards a destination that we want to reach.

“We need to break down the journey into ‘do-able’ factors: what routes to take, where to have stop breaks, and how much distance we need to cover so that we can reach our destination by a certain time.” 

These factors are an analogy for setting "S.M.A.R.T" goals, which stand for them being specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-limited.

Instead of telling myself simply to get rid of the pouch then, perhaps a “smarter” sentence to craft this year is to limit my fast-food intake to twice a month, or to put on my running shoes once a week — ideas that I don’t foresee myself abandoning two weeks in.

The more likely we are to carry through with the resolution, the more confidence it gives us in turn, and strengthens our mental well-being, Ms Seah said.

‘CHOOSE’ YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY

Whether you choose to set resolutions or intentions, the words that you use and think can be a powerful tool in reframing your attitudes towards them too, said Ms Ong, who is also a professional certified coach with the International Coaching Federation.

“When we say we ‘have to’ do something, we are disempowered because we feel we have little agency and freedom in our lives.

“That’s when we begin to build resentment and self loathing which adversely affects our mental wellbeing,” she said. 

That’s why she recommends using words like “I choose to” instead — as it means we are being honest about our choices instead of blaming our stress on others.

“For example, saying ‘I choose to go to the gym because I am taking care of my health’ is way more fun than ‘I have to go to the gym, or else I will put on weight’.

“Choice makes us responsible for our own actions, and also opens up the possibility of enjoying what we do," Ms Ong added. 

In hindsight, my 2023 resolutions were clearly neither intentions, nor specific or achievable goals. 

As the welcome mat is laid out for 2024, I think I will choose to walk on it not with the burden of weighty obligations on my shoulders, but with the knowledge that my near-infallible goals are firmly in my grasp.