Need a holiday after your holiday? Cramming in less on overseas trips can be more fulfilling

In the month leading up to our trip to Japan last year, my girlfriend and I had saved more than 100 videos on TikTok.

We had just 11 days for our holiday but wanted to see five different cities. 

In each city we also had a list of places to visit, shops to browse and restaurants to stuff our faces at, guided by the social media videos we'd spent hours browsing. 

Every place was a "need to": We need to go to that massive Don Quixote in Osaka. The gyukatsu in Tokyo is a must try and people say the forest bathing in Kyoto is a must do. Oh, we should also see that other Don Quixote too.

And so we went, ticked off the sights and stuffed our faces but on the flight back home, I felt as tired as the day I set foot in Japan – and I needed a holiday from my holiday.

The irony hit me months later during a four-day trip across the Causeway with some friends.

Our entire holiday revolved around massages, wandering aimlessly and playing board games at a rented apartment where we could still see Singapore from the balcony. 

There was no real "highlight" for that trip but I felt genuinely rejuvenated, calm and content in a way that two weeks of relentless sightseeing didn't quite give me.

WHEN LEISURE BECOMES LABOUR

So why do some travellers, like myself, find it so hard to rest, even on vacation?

Experts said that it usually is a combination of the "fear of missing out" and the need to fully maximise what workers consider precious leave days and their hard-earned money. 

I could totally relate to that. After spending hundreds of dollars on airplane tickets and hotels and with just 21 days of leave a year, why wouldn't I try to make the most of my holiday by seeing and trying everything and anything?

The only issue with this mindset is that overplanned holidays can be draining, said experts.  

Ms Shi Min Liew, a clinical psychologist at Heartscape Psychology, said that the drain on our mental resources may even start from the planning stage, where the constant decision-making can take a toll.

Even choosing between three different matcha cafes to visit, for example, can add to one's stress.

Then there's dealing with the fatigue of navigating unfamiliar transit systems, adhering to reservation times and translating signs in a foreign language. 

"This leads to a state of chronic anxiety, and difficulties engaging the part of the nervous system that allows us to ‘rest and digest’, leaving us feeling more drained than before they left home," she said.

WHY WE SHOULD PLAN, DO LESS

It turns out that my instinct to slow down wasn't misguided.

I believe it is this mental toll of excessive activity planning that would explain why organised group tours are still popular among some people, too.

While some consider it boring and restrictive, others like that it takes away dozens of micro-decisions from their plate, leaving them with energy to actually focus on a new destination. 

Intentionally doing less on holiday also helps us regain a sense of control over our own time. 

Ms Maureen Yeo, regional director of Asia for Andermatt Swiss Alps, a luxury real estate developer in Switzerland, has seen this shift firsthand. 

She shared that a majority of Singaporean residents who travelled to the Swiss mountain village of Andermatt last year were consciously choosing less hurried itineraries.

"People are coming to us from that context of being completely drained. So when they finally take a break, they're not looking for more stimulation but for genuine recovery."

Dr Valentina Clergue, an assistant professor at EHL Hospitality Business School, said that this growing awareness of the benefits of rest is reshaping how people think about what makes a holiday "productive".

"Rather than measuring it by how many activities they accomplish or how many places they visit, they value the quality of mindfulness, restoration, and rejuvenation, turning them from destination and activity collectors to well-being seekers," she said.

Some have termed this approach "slow travel" – an extreme version where travellers might spend weeks in a single location to really immerse themselves in that one place. 

But travellers don't need to go that far. The benefits kick in the moment you start cutting activities from your itinerary, said experts.  

When we allow ourselves to slow down and rest more, our mental and cognitive resources are replenished and overall well-being improves, said Ms Liew from Heartscape Psychology.

HOW TO HAVE A SLOWER-PACED, RESTFUL HOLIDAY

So how do we actually do this in practice?

1. Force yourself to prioritise ruthlessly

For Mr Hendric Tay, co-founder of The Travel Intern, a Singapore-based travel media company, he does so by limiting himself to one or two "anchor" activities a day.

Instead of squeezing five things into a morning, he picks one, leaving everything else as optional.

"If I’m choosing something because I’m afraid of missing out, I drop it. If I’m choosing it because it genuinely excites me or aligns with how I want to feel on this trip, then it stays," he said.

His advice is to ask yourself if you would genuinely regret not doing a specific activity. If you would, then that activity is your priority and everything else is optional. 

2. Focus on themes, not checklists

Another way to prioritise is to structure your holiday around a particular theme, suggested Mr Tay.

Take for instance the following goals: "I want to understand food culture" or "I want to reconnect with nature".

Once you've decided on the theme, prioritise activities that support that intention, and everything else becomes noise.

3. Schedule some buffer time

Resist the temptation to fill up every block of that spreadsheet. Or, rather, build in what Mr Tay calls "buffer pockets" – actual empty blocks in your itinerary – and let your intuition take you around.

"These are often the moments that we end up discovering something random or cool," he said.

4. Reframe "missing out" as "saving something for later"

We operate under the anxious belief that we'll never return to a place, so we must experience everything now. But this sort of mindset robs us of joy.

Why rush through everything in one go when you could have the pleasure of anticipation, of unfinished business, of somewhere to look forward to on a return visit?

As fate would have it, my partner and I are heading to Japan – again – in about a week.

We still have an itinerary of sorts, but they are more loose suggestions than concrete plans.

I also don't have any videos saved on TikTok, which means I'm more open to finding the proverbial "hidden gem" than relying on an influencer telling me about what is a "must-visit" spot. I think that's what a holiday should be.

As Mr Tay puts it, a meaningful trip is not necessarily a busy one.

"The goal isn’t to cover the most ground. It’s to leave feeling connected to yourself, to the place, and to the moment," he said.