Don't get trapped in your comfort zone. Here's why growth demands a challenge

When her travel companion dropped out of a trip due to personal reasons at the last minute, then 21-year-old Krissten Tan faced the prospect of travelling to Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam all by herself.

The idea greatly intimidated her. Ms Tan had never travelled alone before, had never gone to Vietnam, and her parents had repeatedly warned her about crime there by showing her various news articles.

Despite her nagging doubts, she decided to take the plunge and proceed with her trip. At the time, she realised that she was merely fearing the unknown and decided that life was not about playing it safe.

As the saying goes: A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. 

Ms Tan, now 24 and a final-year undergraduate, said: “In the first few days (of that trip), my heart was pounding everywhere I went.

"But the more I walked around on my own, the more I realised that it wasn’t as scary as I thought.”

The six-day trip proved to be a formative experience for her as she entered adulthood. It taught her profound life experiences about being an independent problem solver, navigating logistical challenges confidently, and keeping an open mind when meeting new people with diverse backgrounds.  

Since that trip, she has travelled solo to eight countries, including a one-month trip across four European countries, as well as another volunteering trip to Uttaradit, a rural province in the lower northern region of Thailand.

Hearing the experience of Ms Tan, who is my university senior, reminded me of how my generation tends to be plagued by anxiety and insecurity and thus become risk-averse, but there are also young people like her who dare to venture, face failure and come out better for it.

Yet, as a 22-year-old undergraduate, I couldn't help but wonder how many times I've deprived myself of a learning opportunity because I feared stepping out of my comfort zone.

At a point in life when I should be boldly trying out new things in order to grow as a person, I questioned why I continued to hesitate, allowing fear to dictate my choices instead of embracing the unknown and its potential for growth.

It was why three months ago, I accepted an internship at CNA TODAY knowing that it would thrust me into an environment where I had to face my fears.

Although it is a short stint, being on the job meant that I had to speak to strangers, pen articles under tight deadlines, all while making my fair share of rookie mistakes in the process. The experience has moulded me into a better person.

As American political activist Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of former United States President Franklin D Roosevelt, once said: "Do one thing every day that scares you."

Growth often requires stepping beyond what is familiar, easy or safe. To find out how one may learn to live with discomfort, I sought the advice of mental health experts. 

WHY IT’S GOOD TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE

The first thing the experts told me was that because human beings naturally seek predictability and safety, some people equate discomfort to a form of failure.

Dr Sam Roberts, founder and director of private practice Olive Branch Psychology and Counselling Services, said that when people expose themselves to new experiences, however, they can build resilience and flexibility.

This is known as neuroplasticity. Psychotherapist Lee Kai Xuan said that this is what allows the brain to change and adapt.

When exposed to learning experiences, for example, the brain's neural networks can change, reorganise and grow as a result.

Mr Lee, founder of The Midnight Therapist that provides therapy services, added: “Learning new skills or handling unfamiliar situations strengthens neural pathways, promoting brain plasticity.

"Staying in the comfort zone prevents these new connections from forming, making adaptability harder over time.”

Part of this is explained by our body's chemistry. When we are in unfamiliar situations, our brains’ fight-and-flight response is activated, releasing stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol.

These chemicals cause a feeling of dread, anxiety or hypervigilance, and is usually accompanied by a rapid heart rate.

Over time, though, our body learns to regulate these chemicals, Mr Lee said.

“The prefrontal cortex in our brains attempts to regulate these emotions, analysing risks and making decisions. Over time, exposure to discomfort strengthens this regulation, making it easier to handle future challenges,” he explained. 

Overcoming challenges can also equip us with lifelong skills that help us in our professional and personal lives.

Dr Roberts said: "When we step into discomfort, we learn to solve problems, manage emotions better, and become more self-aware."

THE FEAR OF LEAVING OUR COMFORT ZONE

Despite the advantages above, there is a high initial barrier to overcome, the experts said. Societal expectations, doubt, as well as past experiences with failure and rejection can hinder us from leaving our comfort zones, they added.

Those with poorer emotional regulation skills may find it harder to confront challenges since they are likely to retreat to what is familiar when facing anxiety and discomfort, Mr Lee said.

A person who repeatedly avoids challenges will end up reinforcing his fears, thus creating a self-sabotaging pattern and eroding his confidence as time goes by. 

The fear of stepping out of our comfort zones also extend into our career decisions.

Changing jobs can mean starting over, and the idea of stepping into a completely different industry is ever so daunting.

Ms Jennifer Ong, founder of Ctrl Alt Career that provides career coaching programmes, said that many people overthink their career choices instead of taking action.

Ms Ong had firsthand experience leaping out of her comfort zone in her career. After graduating with a degree in financial economics, she was working in a multinational investment firm and earning a six-figure annual salary.

Despite realising within six months that the job wasn’t right for her, she stayed for seven years, fearing parental disapproval and guilt over leaving a high-ranking role.

Eventually, she resigned, but not before going through emotional breakdowns and exhaustion that strained her personal relationships. She also took an 80 per cent pay cut to pursue her passion in fashion, later joining a fashion startup in 2019.

Over time, the lack of fulfilment that Ms Ong had felt from her previous career dissipated.

Though she initially had difficulty adjusting to a new working environment, the experience imbued her with the resilience and confidence to solve problems independently. She also became a happier person, working in a field that she loves.

Now, as a career coach, she sees many clients stuck in the same trap, believing that they should work only in their field of study.

It is a form of sunk cost fallacy of not wanting invested resources to go to waste, whereby the years spent studying and working in a certain field becomes a mental barrier for them to leave for greener pastures, she said.

"When we think about our careers, we consider only financial stability and where we can utilise our skillsets and strengths. We don't consider what causes we want to serve until we are much older," Ms Ong said.

On this, Dr Roberts said that one's age, upbringing and personality are factors that can affect the willingness to step out of one's comfort zone.

Older people prioritise stability, and those with a sheltered upbringing are likelier to worry over uncertainties, he added.

People with avoidant personalities, for example, tend to be more anxious and possess a fixed mindset – a belief that their traits and abilities cannot be changed.

Conversely, those who frequently step out of their comfort zone are more curious and resilient, possessing a growth mindset that motivates them to attain new skills, Dr Roberts said.

ONE STEP AT A TIME

So what should people do if they want to step out of their comfort zone? For a start, the experts suggested taking small, manageable steps to make it feel less daunting.

“Breaking down the ‘discomfort zone’ into smaller steps will make it a lot easier for us," Mr Lee the psychotherapist said. 

"It's the idea that we don't need to be able to see 10 steps ahead of us to make the first move, we just need to see the next one or two steps.”

He recounted an instance where his client overcame her social anxiety with public speaking. Instead of creating a presentation right out the gate, Mr Lee suggested smaller, actionable steps.

Firstly, they practised the use of neutral statements since the client berated herself often. He suggested replacing negative thoughts with neutral statements such as "This is new, but I can handle it" and "I'm learning and improving".

These steps gradually escalated in intensity, helping the client to slowly but surely expand her comfort zone. She practised her conversational skills with colleagues, contributed in meetings to get used to speaking in group settings and attended a public speaking workshop.

It ultimately worked and the client was able to successfully deliver a work presentation.

Ms Ong the career coach said that one should have a backup plan. For example, even after a career switch, one should maintain good relationships with former colleagues and keep the door open in case the new job opportunity does not work out as envisioned.

One should also develop a support system with friends and mentors, Dr Roberts said, because their encouragement may help to cushion the discomfort of doing something unfamiliar and new.

At the end of the day, what I learnt from the experts is that the phrase "no pain, no gain" does not just apply in the gym, but also in our own cognitive and professional development.

Sometimes, facing challenges head on can make us more mentally and emotionally resilient. 

My internship stint, for instance, has built up my mental toughness even though it has also taken me on a rollercoaster of emotions at times. I wouldn't have learnt how to be a better journalist and team player if I didn't push myself to take on my first internship in a newsroom.

The same is true for Ms Tan, my university senior who uses her Instagram account @krisstensolotravels to help inspire other young women to step out of their comfort zones. 

Whenever she encounters obstacles, she remembers how her solo trip taught her to be confident and content with being alone.  

“If I can survive missing my last train in Switzerland and couch-surfing with a local by trusting my own gut feeling, then I can circumvent other curveballs (that) life throws at me," she said.