No more ‘noble’ parenting resolutions for new years. In 2025, I’m going for 'realistic' instead

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been writing special entries in my diary to mark the end of each year and welcome the new one. Making these resolutions was always my attempt at trying to steer the direction my life would take for the next 12 months.

Among the resolutions I’d scribbled down in my diary as a 13-year-old girl in 2001: “I want to read at least 56 books this year”, “I want to catch all 150 Pokemon and complete my Pokedex” and “I want to get at least an A2 for Chinese”.

Once I became a mother, New Year resolutions took on a life of their own. Most of them started revolving around interactions with my children.

Early in motherhood, I would post my resolutions publicly on Instagram.

“I want to shout less at the kids,” I’d declare for all the world to see. “I want to be more present with the children this year.” 

I figured that doing this would be good for accountability, too. 

After a few years, I started noticing that I was falling into an unhealthy pattern: Within the first two months of the new year, I’d realise I was falling short of my noble resolutions and would start beating myself up about it. 

I stopped sharing my resolutions.

But this also meant that I started to forget them.

So much of my brain’s capacity is occupied with day-to-day life – just keeping track of which of my five kids need to be picked up when and where each day usually means that I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast earlier that morning.

Recently, it dawned on me that my problem might not have been the publicness of my resolutions. This may not apply to everyone, but I do think social media helps me to keep myself consistent and accountable with my parenting goals. 

Instead, I think it’s time to relook at how I make my resolutions. 

5 TYPES OF MUM RESOLUTIONS I WON’T BE MAKING

1. I will not be making “dead horse” resolutions

I decided this after reviewing my resolutions from past years with a more critical and thoughtful eye. I asked myself: What hasn’t been working for me, and why? If a “typical” resolution hasn’t ever stuck, does it still make sense to include it now? 

Am I just beating a dead horse?

For instance, after 10 years of resolving to “stop shouting at the kids” and immediately breaking that resolution weeks into each new year, maybe it’s time to just stop forcing it onto the list. 

Of course, I still try my hardest to speak calmly to them as a default, reserving the raised, sharp voice for the few occasions when I need them to move quickly or when repeated reminders have fallen on deaf ears. But I’m not going to keep making this resolution in hopes that I’ll completely eliminate the shouting.

2. I will not be making resolutions to do “less” of something

As a mum, I see first-hand each day how cultivating good habits in individuals has less to do with reducing or suppressing undesirable actions, and much more to do with shifting the focus to healthy and meaningful ones instead.

For example, instead of wanting to shout less, it would be more effective for me to strive to think before I speak – and, whenever I do speak, to do so more composedly and gently.

This way, I don’t have to restrain myself from shouting. When I speak gently, the shouting automatically ceases.

3. I will not be making broad-strokes resolutions

“I want to be more present with the family”. This is another favourite resolution of mine that’s made recurring appearances for almost a decade now.

But the problem with intangible resolutions like these is that they quickly become almost impossible to accomplish, especially when the bustle of daily life inevitably runs its course and I find myself having to resort to autopilot mode just to get the bare minimum done each day.

I simply didn’t have the mental space to make those crucial decisions each day to “be more present”.

Instead of such sweeping resolutions, I will be focusing on small, concrete steps I can take to be a more present mum. 

For example, I recently decided to commit to putting my phone on the coffee counter every day from 6pm to 8.30pm. 

This is a very observable action with simple but clear parameters, and would also automatically make me more available to my family. I’m going to adopt this as a resolution I’d like to carry into 2025.

4. I will not be making resolutions that make me feel less than adequate

No more declarations of “finally losing that mum tum”. Instead, I’ll focus on building habits to make me feel healthier and stronger. This past year, I even found that sweating it out often helped me come up with new ideas or solutions for problems at work. 

My resolution for this: Hit the gym at least twice a week for an hour each time – not to lose a few kilos or to fit into old clothes, but because it keeps me feeling recharged and strong.

5. I will not be making arbitrary resolutions for myself

When it comes to clutter, I’m not the most organised person. (Certainly, my husband is far better about this.) 

This year-end break, I’ve had some more time and space to think properly about how to organise our home. One thing that I’ve realised: Keeping our home clear of clutter isn’t about achieving picture-perfect cleanliness. 

Instead, it’s about consistency. I have to be selective about every single toy and book we choose to keep. Leaving this to a mass decluttering once or twice a year allows our growing collection of stuff to become too overwhelming. 

In 2025, instead of aiming for a spic-and-span home, I’m going to set aside one hour each week for a more focused task list: Clear away or throw out things we no longer have any use for, and organise the things we’ll need for the week ahead.

A TYPE OF MUM RESOLUTION I WILL BE MAKING

After all these don’ts, I’m going to end off with a "do": I will be including more fun resolutions in my list for next year.

I hated eating vegetables as a kid. To be honest, I still do. 

But ever since giving birth to my oldest child 11 years ago, I’ve been striving to finish all the greens on my plate every day. I want to model healthy eating habits for my children; I’ve also realised I need to take better care of my own health. 

Over the years, I’ve learnt to cook them in ways that suit my palate. I’m now much more accepting of veggies, but after 365 days of eating them the same few ways, I am getting a little bored.

There are only so many times you can eat assorted greens stir-fried with oyster sauce or light soy sauce or garlic before you start baulking.

So next year, I’m going to have some fun experimenting and finding exciting ways to cook my veggies.

By making this a vibrant culinary adventure, I’m hoping that my kids will also grow to enjoy their greens, rather than just wolfing them down for functional (ahem: bowel) reasons. 

Kelly Ang is a mother of five and a freelance writer.