How do I choose between a charming colleague and a competent one?

Would you prefer a colleague who is cold but competent, or friendly but flaky?

This was the question I posed to a few friends recently and the reaction was more mixed than I had anticipated.

"I know the right answer is competency because it's a workplace," one said, "but sometimes, working with a cold, calculative robot can be so painful."

Another responded: "That's until you've worked with a well-meaning but bumbling idiot who leaves you inspirational notes of encouragement but can't write a proper brief."

"And you can't even bring yourself to lay them off because they are so nice," a third said with a moan.

In an ideal world, as a business owner, I'd love to build a team of unicorns – whip-smart, emotionally intelligent, endlessly competent people who also know exactly when to send memes, send help or just leave you alone.

In reality, though, building any team is an act of compromise. Often, we're just trying to find someone who doesn't fall into one of two extremes: the charmingly inept or the coldly efficient.

No one really needs a resident stand-up comedian whose work turns out more like a comedy of errors.

On the other hand, no one really wants to spend 9am to 6pm interacting with a spreadsheet wizard with unparalleled accuracy, but who hasn't smiled since the COVID-19 lockdown was announced.

Facing this dilemma, many workplaces skew towards the "culture fit" – a softer, safer bet that often feels intuitive. 

When in doubt, people like to fall back on that old chestnut: "Hire for attitude, train for skill."

It's not a terrible idea, but it's also not the whole story.

WHY PERSONALITY HIRES MATTER

Personality hires are often the glue, not just of a workplace but of a team. 

They mediate, translate, smooth over tension and notice when someone's been quiet in meetings. They're the ones who remember birthdays, start the snack fund and remind everyone to breathe before a big pitch.

As burnout rates continue to rise, it makes perfect sense that many teams are prioritising emotional intelligence and likeability. 

Personality hires don't just lift morale – they help retain talent. They’re the reason new hires stick around. They bring a kind of psychological safety that no benefits package can replicate.

Some of the most important people in my own company weren't the most dazzling on paper, but they were vital in bringing the team together. 

But here's the tricky part: Charm can never truly replace competence.

When companies lean too hard in one direction, when likeability trumps accountability, it becomes a kind of poison pill. 

WHEN AFFABILITY BECOMES A LIABILITY

Ever noticed what happens when an underperformer stays in their role longer than they should, not because they're hitting KPIs but because they're hitting it off with the boss? 

Hard conversations get avoided, feedback softens. Decisions get delayed, deadlines stretch. Mistakes get rebranded as "learning moments". 

And slowly, productivity erodes under the guise of preserving "culture".

In the meantime, the quiet workhorses pick up the slack and keep things moving but don't get the recognition for it. Over time, the standards shift according to who's doing what and resentment starts to build within the team. 

In a previous workplace, I had a colleague who was affable and assured. 

Johnson (not his real name) was the quiet heart and soul of the team, holding everybody together with his self-effacing nature. He had one of the highest approval ratings in the office, but he had a fatal flaw.

Johnson was terrible at his job. 

He was a senior designer who had been at the company for close to a decade, but he always seemed stuck in an artistic style from 20 years ago and not in a cool retro kind of way. He was impossibly careless with simple instructions and caused a lot of frustration within the team when others had to fill in to fix his mistakes.

He was sheepish about his performance, but not enough to get better at his job. Neither did he inspire confidence in his juniors to be better at theirs. 

If the heart of your team stops functioning, the whole body follows. Years of stagnation and silent exits later, that department eventually folded.

We may sometimes think we’re choosing kindness, but kindness without competency is just feel-good dysfunction. 

However, the opposite is no better. 

WE NEED PEOPLE SKILLS 

One of my previous hires – let's call her Lesley – was one of the most brilliant creatives we ever had. She was quick-witted, full of ideas, incredibly efficient and paid tremendous attention to detail.

But Lesley did not suffer fools, gladly or otherwise. If you weren't keeping up with her pace, she did not respect you. 

She could be dismissive and curt, what one would call a quintessential straight-shooter. Even as her boss, I got shot straight in the face a couple of times myself.

"Kelvin, I don't think 'horticulture' is the right way to pronounce 'haute couture'."

"Uh, yes, I was joking ..."

"Alright, let's not waste time here."

I had to entertain numerous complaints from other team members, even about things that weren’t strictly related to work. 

One of my favourites: "During lunch, I played some music on my speaker. Lesley came over to me and told me to please use headphones and also, who still listens to One Direction?"

Still, I absolutely loved what Lesley brought to the table. We were quite simply better with her than without. 

I tried getting her to dial back her intensity, but she could not change – or, more likely, didn’t want to do so. 

Over time, more people were getting more unhappy with her abrasive working style. I even had to mediate a couple of blow-ups. It seemed increasingly untenable … and then she quit.

The day after she left, there was an immediate lightness in the office atmosphere. 

People were happy and laughing. I think One Direction’s Night Changes was even playing in the background. 

THE BEST WORKPLACES DON'T MAKE YOU CHOOSE

Can we really find the "optimum balance" between personality and productivity? 

In my view, the best workplaces I've seen don't treat these things as opposing forces on either end of a spectrum. Real workplace culture isn't about gathering a group of "nice" people to work together. It's creating a space where people genuinely care about doing good work together. 

Easy to say, but incredibly hard to do. 

For employers, it takes more intentional hiring. It means performance reviews that are both warm and firm. It means knowing when to coach, when to course-correct and when to let go – even if the person in question throws the best team lunches.

For employees, it means realising that career growth isn't just about output. It's about attitude, adaptability and knowing how to get things done without alienating the very people with whom you need to get them done. 

And if your shining personality is what got you in the door, use that runway wisely. Put in the work, sharpen your skills and show you can do more than just charm the room.

The best colleagues aren't either-or; they show up with both the fire to do good work and the warmth to do it together. Even when the night changes. 

Kelvin Kao is the co-owner of a creative agency.