I took 3 years to write my first book. It was a struggle but it helped me grow through pains and losses

In the late 2010s, I was a student at Hai Sing Catholic School, where we had a rich culture of reading. Mornings involved the passing-around of newspapers, magazine articles, and English worksheets aimed at levelling up our language skills. 

While some viewed this as a chore, my friends and I felt it was time well spent. I had a few family members working in the real estate industry, and was spurred by them to read financial literacy books. 

Other kids were reading age-appropriate books like Percy Jackson. My typical reads involved Rich Dad Poor Dad, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and Warren Buffet Invests Like a Girl – earning me the nickname “finance minister” among friends. 

My literary tastes would have likely remained within this limited genre if it wasn’t for a set of reading lists given to us by our English teachers, curated by genre. 

This was my first exposure to fantasy, and I was enraptured by it. Reading books like Pawn of Prophecy by David Eddings and The Magician’s Guild by Trudi Canavan, I discovered a love for imagining worlds beyond our own and their endless possibilities. 

At this time, I was blogging frequently, writing about philosophical topics and short stories. I liked penning my thoughts down in words and seeing what people thought of them. I often found good discussions and debates through reactions to my blog posts.

But fantasy unlocked the power of imagination in more ways than one. Oftentimes, I liked to picture myself as part of the fictional world, or even the main character of the story. 

One day, the thought struck me: "Maybe I could write a book too."

Just as quickly, I dismissed it. I was just a teenager – I didn't think I had the life experience or command of the language to create something as impactful and monumental as a book.

REIGNITING THE DREAM

In 2021, while working in a startup, the co-founder’s daughter, who was around my age, recommended another fantasy book to me, Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson. I realised how stories could connect people, and I wanted a way to establish that connection with other people from all walks of life. 

Around the same time, I reconnected with my English teacher from Hai Sing Catholic School, Mrs Wong Shu Xian, on a project by Youth Corps Singapore Mental Health Cluster about mentorship and mental health. 

Those two moments happening so close to each other reignited my love for fantasy – and reminded me of my old dream, as fleeting as it had been.

A few months later, while waiting for my first year of university to begin, I started volunteering at Youth Corps Singapore.

Later that same year, I told a fellow volunteer and close friend that I wanted to publish a book. I went on to share my dream with other friends too, and even told a few strangers.

It felt like a promise I was making – not just to them, but myself. From that point on, I resolved to do whatever I could to make my dream a reality.

LOSING STEAM ON THE DREAM… AND FINDING IT AGAIN

I kept my promise and started writing in 2022. 

Very quickly, I got lost in building my fictional world. "What kind of magic system works here?" "What's the story I’m telling?" I obsessed over questions like these, day and night. 

I designated Fridays as writing days, where I would spend as much time as I could ideating and writing my book. But reality soon caught up with me.

As a university undergraduate, life became increasingly hectic over the next two years. I was juggling two majors – human resources and psychology. 

By late 2023, I was a third-year student interning three days a week at a tech company and studying two full days, while volunteering on a weekly basis. 

Creative writing quickly became a luxury I could no longer afford. I started struggling with school and making critical mistakes I never had before, such as using the wrong case study or misunderstanding project objectives. 

I had no choice but to put my book dream on hiatus. 

In early 2024, I spent a semester in Amsterdam, The Netherlands on exchange. This being my first time in Europe, it was like experiencing a whole new world. 

In the slower pace of Dutch life, I found myself observing the world around me in greater detail. The tranquil canals, the bicycles weaving between the narrow streets, the buzz of dormitory life – all these came together to inspire me anew. 

I started itching to write again.

Yet, life on exchange was far from a bed of roses. 

In just 20 weeks in Europe, I saw the end of my first romantic relationship as well as a handful of close friendships. I was still involved in Youth Corps Singapore, but the distance and time difference made it difficult to connect with my volunteer team back in Singapore.  

I explored Europe alone and got lost in unfamiliar cities – Berlin, Paris, Zurich and more. 

The more I spent time with myself and my surrounding environment, the more I was forced to confront my own thoughts and emotions. 

But I also found more and more things worth writing about. Writing became my outlet, my road to closure for a special chapter in life.  

MAKING MY DREAM REALITY

When I returned to Singapore in mid-2024, I'd finished most of my manuscript. It took me another month to complete it – and then I immediately began revising it. 

In August 2024, I sent my manuscript out to a small number of trusted people, including my old teacher Mrs Wong. Encouraged by their feedback, I sent it to local publishers.

Unsurprisingly, none were willing to take up a small author like me.

This being my first book, my expectations had been low. Even then, I was a little disappointed at the lack of feedback aside from generic rejection notes. 

Nevertheless, that didn't stop me. I kept searching for more publishers and soon discovered the option of hybrid publishing, where the author self-publishes with consultants supporting the process. 

I was instantly convinced this was the way to realise my dream. But… could I afford it? 

I hadn't yet started earning a proper pay cheque, barely scraping by with intern stipends and ad-hoc work allowances. What if I gave this book everything I had – which wasn't much – and I still didn’t make it? 

In my doubt, I remembered the promise I made to myself and to others in 2021. 

It was a hard shift to navigate, but despite my financially-inclined mind, I had to stop seeing my dream as an investment. I had to ask myself a hard question: Would I still want to do this even if it meant I wouldn’t get a single cent back? 

After much thought, the answer came to me: Yes. 

WHEN THE VALUE OF A DREAM IS IN CHASING IT

On Jul 22, at my alma mater, Singapore Management University, I launched my book Genesis – the story of a world powered by magical Influence, where three individuals discover that their fantastical abilities may not be enough against rising complexity and change. 

The presence and congratulations of friends and family affirmed the belief I had in myself, to press on despite doubts and adversities. 

On that special night, I received a card from someone bearing a quote that has stuck with me even now: "Nothing is more beautiful than a dream in bloom."

I can't lie – it would be fantastic to be able to sell out of all my published copies (and more, even). But now, as I look back on all I went through to get here, I realise my happiness over finally putting my book out into the world far outweighs my anxiety that the copies won't sell.

I see now that some dreams are worth far more than what money we can gain – or lose – by pursuing them.

Now, I face a different mountain: job-hunting. But it's a journey I'm undertaking armed with a strengthened resolve to find my sense of purpose in my life's work – even if that work isn’t about fiction-writing or publishing. 

I hope Genesis becomes the start of many stories, not just for myself, but for anyone out there daring enough to chase their dream in a world that may not see or appreciate its value.

Colonel Tan recently graduated university with a double major in human resources and psychology.

If you have an experience to share or know someone who wishes to contribute to this series, write to voices [at] mediacorp.com.sg (voices[at]mediacorp[dot]com[dot]sg) with your full name, address and phone number.