Love in his last days: Supporting her husband’s end-of-life journey

Raising a young child is demanding on its own, but for Ms Carla Siaco, the challenge was compounded by her need to care for her husband, Mr Johnny Ng, who had been diagnosed with Stage 4 kidney cancer. The weight of her responsibilities was overwhelming.

As Mr Ng’s condition deteriorated, Ms Siaco, 40, took on even more caregiving duties. Support arrived through HCA Hospice, an in-home hospice care provider, whose community-based team offered invaluable guidance. They taught her how to administer medications, operate medical equipment, monitor his blood pressure and attend to his daily needs – skills that became crucial as his physical abilities declined.

In addition to practical support, HCA Hospice was there to share the emotional burden, offering both Ms Siaco and Mr Ng comfort during his final days until his passing at age 58. 

Ms Jacqueline Ang, a senior medical social worker from HCA Hospice, explained that palliative care has evolved over time to encompass emotional, spiritual and cultural support. 

“By considering the patient as a whole person, rather than focusing solely on symptoms or disease progression, we foster a more compassionate approach to care,” she said. “This allows individuals to share their untold stories and find meaning in their emotional struggles, which, in turn, supports their families in processing emotions and navigating complex decisions.”

A CROSS-CULTURAL ROMANCE

Ms Siaco and Mr Ng’s story began several years ago when they met outside her workplace in Chinatown. 

Mr Ng, a Singaporean logistics planner, was selling dried mushrooms as a Chinese New Year side gig, while Ms Siaco – who hails from the Philippines – was a supermarket supervisor. The couple enjoyed dining out and visiting attractions like Sentosa, and Mr Ng often showcased his culinary skills by cooking for her.  

Both Mr Ng and Ms Siaco were divorcees with two children each. Six years after they tied the knot in 2016, Ms Siaco became pregnant with their son, Bryant, in 2022. That December, Mr Ng was hospitalised after discovering blood in his urine. 

The diagnosis of terminal cancer left them both in shock. 

“Why would God give me a baby and take my husband away?” Ms Siaco recalled thinking. Despite undergoing radiotherapy treatment and exploring various alternative treatments rooted in Chinese and Filipino traditions, the cancer continued to spread.

A planner by nature and profession, Mr Ng methodically prepared for his passing and the future of his loved ones. He arranged his funeral with the help of his mother and siblings, asked his friends to support Ms Siaco, and requested that she bring Bryant to visit his mother every Sunday after he was gone. 

Despite Mr Ng’s meticulous planning, nothing could truly prepare him and Ms Siaco for the emotional toll of the journey ahead. 

Ms Siaco did her best, giving up work to care for her husband and cooking or buying his favourite meals. Yet, Mr Ng often seemed dispirited, at times scolding her for buying the wrong drink or meal. Ms Siaco began to wonder if he was pushing her away intentionally, hoping it might ease the pain she would feel after his passing. 

ONE MORE YEAR TOGETHER, WITH SUPPORT FROM HOSPICE CARE

Though initially unfamiliar with the concept of palliative care and hesitant to place her trust in a group of strangers, Ms Siaco found a pillar of support in Ms Ang during this challenging time, as she regularly checked on her well-being and offered a listening ear. 

“As medical social workers, we help by listening without judgement, guiding caregivers in having open conversations and offering validation,” Ms Ang explained. “Emotions should not be classified as good or bad. They simply reflect what’s going on inside someone’s mind.” 

In addition to providing a hotline for emergencies, the HCA Hospice team encouraged Ms Siaco to share her feelings during check-ins and to seek emotional support from her family in the Philippines. 

Highlighting that caregiver well-being is closely tied to the quality of care they are able to provide, Ms Ang shared that palliative care offers extensive support to help caregivers manage the emotional, logistical and physical challenges of caring for their loved ones. “We walk alongside our patients and their families because we believe no one should face this final journey alone,” she said.

Ms Siaco’s tita (“auntie” in Tagalog) offered some sage advice that shifted her perspective: “She told me, ‘You must understand that he may not fully be himself while he’s sick. Cherish the moments and make memories together, so you won’t have any regrets’.”  

Buoyed by her aunt’s advice, Ms Siaco soldiered on, and shortly before his passing in April this year, Mr Ng beckoned his wife over. They had just spent the evening at Marina Bay Sands, with Ms Siaco pushing his wheelchair as they took in the scenery. 

Unable to say much by then, Mr Ng hugged his wife and kissed her hand lovingly. He passed away soon after that night. “It was his way of saying goodbye and thanking me for taking care of him,” said Ms Siaco, tearing up at the memory. 

She continues to receive support from Ms Ang and has honoured her husband’s last wish by maintaining regular contact with his relatives, including his sons from his earlier marriage, who dote on Bryant. 

By addressing the mental and emotional needs of patients and their families, palliative care enables them to focus on creating precious memories during their remaining time together, noted Ms Ang.

“Carla, like many other caregivers, found peace in knowing she was present and gave her best while her loved one was still with her,” she said. 

Discover how palliative care has evolved to encompass emotional, spiritual, cultural and physical needs in Alt Ctrl Health, a story and video series on Rice Media that puts the spotlight on holistic well-being. The series on palliative care is presented by Lien Foundation. This advertorial is adapted from Rice Media.