Commentary: Forcing chilli into a child’s mouth - this is when disciplining goes too far
Some Singaporean parents use corporal punishment to discipline their kids as they were subjected to similar treatment as children, says psychiatrist Lim Boon Leng.
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SINGAPORE: A man was recently jailed for causing the death of his son by forcing chili into his mouth as a form of punishment. The tragic outcome of this heartbreaking event brings to attention the perennial debate on corporal punishment in our society.
Many adult Singaporeans have harrowing stories of punishments they endured as children, ranging from caning to being forced to kneel or getting locked out of the house.
While some view these punishments as badges of honour, believing they contributed to their character development, others have endured profound trauma that continues to haunt them throughout their lives.
Corporal punishment in Asian cultures, including Singapore, is deeply rooted in our historical and cultural traditions. Values include obedience, respect for authority and strict discipline.
Many parents continue to resort to corporal punishments as they were subjected to similar treatment during their upbringing. They believe the tough love from these harsh punishments is necessary for a child’s proper behaviour and eventual success.
Conversely, “Western-style” positive parenting is often stigmatised as being too lenient and ineffective, leading to concerns that it will result in poorly behaved children.
As the saying goes: Spare the rod and spoil the child.
MORE HARM THAN GOOD
However, scientific studies have found that physical punishment increases the risk of broad and enduring negative developmental outcomes for children.
Research indicates that physical punishment can lead to increased aggression, antisocial behaviour, anxiety, depression and lower self-esteem.
Children subjected to physical punishment are more likely to experience mental health problems and engage in violent behaviour as adults. These findings highlight the long-term consequences of corporal punishment, suggesting it does more harm than good.
Furthermore, no study has ever found that physical punishment enhances developmental health.
Today, many parents defend the use of corporal punishment by claiming that they were raised with such methods and turned out just fine. However, this perspective overlooks the lasting psychological and emotional harm that many individuals endure as a result of these punitive practices.
While a parent may believe that a physical punishment is justified, the thin line between discipline and abuse is often blurred. A child may perceive seemingly appropriate punishment as abusive and be traumatised by the experience.
Also, just because someone appears to be functioning well does not mean they have not been adversely affected by their experiences. The impact of corporal punishment can present itself in many different ways, including difficulties in forming healthy relationships, managing emotions and coping with stress.
POSITIVE PARENTING AS AN ALTERNATIVE
Parents often resort to physical punishments out of frustration or a lack of alternative methods of discipline.
We all recognise that parenting is inherently challenging, especially in a busy and competitive society like Singapore. In moments of stress and anger, it can be difficult to resist the urge to use physical punishment as a quick fix.
However, it is crucial to recognise that these actions are more about alleviating our parental frustration than educating or guiding the child.
Positive parenting provides a compassionate and evidence-based alternative to corporal punishment.
This approach emphasises nurturing, guidance and non-violent discipline to create a supportive environment for children's growth. Positive parenting techniques include setting clear and consistent boundaries, using time-out and rewarding positive behaviour.
Research has shown that positive parenting is effective. A meta-analysis published in the Psychological Bulletin revealed that positive parenting practices are linked to higher academic achievement, improved mental health and better social skills in children.
Additionally, positive parenting helps to strengthen the parent-child relationship by fostering trust and open communication.
I often recommend The Parenting Pyramid, developed by the Arbinger Institute, to parents as I find it to be a particularly useful approach to parenting.
The pyramid emphasises that effective correction relies on effective teaching, which in turn depends on a strong parent-child relationship. The foundation of the pyramid is the parents' personal well-being, underscoring the importance of a healthy, positive mindset when parenting.
TRANSITIONING AWAY FROM CORPORAL PUNISHMENT
Transitioning from corporal punishment to positive parenting can be challenging for parents who were raised with it. However, with the right support, it is entirely possible.
Parenting workshops, community support groups and educational resources can provide parents with the tools and strategies needed to implement non-violent discipline. Health professionals, educators, and community leaders play a crucial role in promoting these resources and supporting parents through this transition.
Finally, most instances of child abuse occur under the context of punishment. This tragic incident, where a father caused his son's death through punitive discipline, underscores this reality.
As the judge stated, "It could have been prevented if you (the father) did not adopt such a method to discipline your child."
He added, "This method of disciplining a vulnerable victim, or any such method ... should be discouraged ... at all costs."
Dr Lim Boon Leng is a psychiatrist at the Gleneagles Medical Centre.
