Has the internet broken parenting? Young parents share how online advice influences them in CNA's new series

They say in showbusiness to never work with children or animals. That went out the window when we started production on Has The Internet Broken Parenting?.

The whole thing was sparked off when Khushboo, then a mother of a 2-year-old, realised she had been turning to the internet with many parenting questions. And clearly, she isn’t alone. 

There’s no denying that it takes a village to raise a child, but these days, the village has gone online. From mummy groups on WhatsApp and parenting experts on Instagram to various Facebook groups offering parental support, everything is there. It was through the same groups that we found families willing to share their parenting adventures with us. In fact, once we put the word out, more than 50 mums reached out! 

Listening to their stories made us recall our own experiences with our young kids and at the end of it, we felt like we were emerging from a warzone, filled with tales of pregnancy woes, baby worries and toddler tempers. It then took us a while to narrow the list down to those we were going to profile in the show. In the end, we had five couples who shared with us their good and bad online experiences during their parenting journey.

For example, Roxane spoke about the affirmation she found in an online community when she struggled to breastfeed her first child. Realising she wasn’t alone allowed her to make the best decision for herself and her baby. 

Then there was Derek, who relied on the internet to ensure that his son was meeting developmental milestones. That led to tensions and squabbles between him and his wife, Lydia.

Giving us some much-needed perspectives were the doctors and psychologists whom we also featured. They were the voices of reason who made both of us feel somewhat reassured as mothers, in addition to being producers! 

Most filming days felt very familiar. We spent them largely entertaining little ones. But these weren’t our own children and each day, it was a different child. Most thankfully, we weren’t responsible for dirty diapers nor messy mealtimes. But we were responsible for dancing behind the camera, pulling exaggerated expressions to get the right responses, cheering on our little stars. And not only us but the entire crew as well; it did take a village to keep things going!

We had planned the shoots carefully around the kids’ schedules, working around feeding times, nap times and all. But as expected, things didn’t always go as planned. Scheduled laughs and giggles became category four meltdowns. And there are no bigger divas than baby divas, who will refuse to participate in tummy time, no matter how much we pleaded and cajoled... We had to be on our toes, ready to quickly change gears, to make the most out of our filming sessions. 

But as challenging as each shoot day was, we were surprised by, and owe much gratitude to, our participating parents. This included those whom we interviewed and others who allowed us to film them with their children. Each family welcomed us into their homes and their lives.

They shared with us their foibles, the parental exhaustion and exasperation, as well as their moments of clarity. They allowed us to capture not only happy times and the cutest moments, but even helped us stage crying scenes and bad behaviours.

In the end, we both feel like we have gained something. Not only knowledge as producers working on a documentary but also a kind of affirmation as mothers. Parenting is hard and the internet can sometimes make it harder. We have to remember that it is only a toolbox, as one expert said. We need to know how to use the tips and strategies in ways that suit us, and not measure ourselves by somebody else’s experience posted online. 

As several of our interviewees concluded, it is never one size fits all.  

Catch both episodes of Has The Internet Broken Parenting? on CNA or CNA's YouTube channel on Feb 10 and Feb 11, 9pm.