#trending: Female support group or toxic femininity? Debate ensues over private Facebook group where women rate men they’ve dated
Screenshots taken from a private Facebook group in Singapore named SG Women Ask.
SINGAPORE — A private Facebook group in Singapore where women anonymously rate men whom they dated has sparked controversy for its potential to be harmful and unethical.
The seemingly innocuous group named SG Women Ask screens group members before allowing them to join the group. New members must be invited by current members to join.
Group members may then post dating profiles and names of prospective dates for other members to comment on them by asking for “tea” or information.
Members of the group described a range of negative experiences with the men they had dated, including “red flags” such as questionable behaviour or gaslighting, which is a form of manipulation and psychological abuse where the victim is made to doubt his or her sense of reality.
Some members even posted serious accusations of sexual assault, harassment and abuse, AsiaOne website reported.
A member was quoted in an interview with AsiaOne as saying: "SG Women Ask is an open forum for women to call out douchebags.”
ETHICAL CONCERNS
Despite the intent of the group to “protect, empower and uplift women” as highlighted in the group's description on Facebook, some people have raised various ethical concerns.
A thread on online forum Reddit that drew attention to the group was posted on Wednesday (Dec 13) and received 324 comments within a day.
It started out as something innocent for the sake of safety, but groups like these would attract unsavoury people that use it for malicious intentions and eventually, the original purpose of the group gets forgotten.
A major concern raised in the thread is the potential for false information and "poison-pen" comments, which are anonymous messages written with malicious intent.
One Reddit user said: “You could totally get your reputation destroyed by one bad actor because the groups have a low threshold for verification.
“It's the total extreme opposite of the criminal justice system because it's guilty until proven innocent.”
Another wrote: “It started out as something innocent for the sake of safety, but groups like these would attract unsavoury people that use it for malicious intentions and eventually, the original purpose of the group gets forgotten.”
Besides the risk of being maligned, concerns about privacy were raised due to the sharing of men's pictures and first names, even though there is a group policy against the disclosure of last names and personal details such as addresses and jobs.
One online user said: “These groups are a terrible invasion of people’s privacies.
“When I asked the women who used these groups if they would be comfortable with their date using a similar group to 'scout' them beforehand, none of them were able to give a straight answer.”
Some others felt that the group perpetuates “toxic femininity” and double standards.
One said: “If the tables were turned ie. a Facebook group were to be created reviewing women, you would be sure that the authorities would be involved.”
Seconding this opinion, another wrote: “If the gender is reversed, they (the men) would be called misogynistic, etc and cancelled to oblivion.”
One other user commented that "treating or pre-judging every man as a potential rapist reeks of toxic femininity”.
Some people, however, did not feel that the group was doing anything harmful.
Referring to Canadian novelist Margaret Atwood’s famous quote, “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them”, a Reddit user who professed not to be a fan of the group said: “Photos are taken from existing dating profiles and no one is doxxing them by revealing their occupation and etc.”
Another remarked: “To the people saying, ‘What if guys did this to women’, errr, they already do and it's worse than what's happening here.
“Now I don't discount the real possibility of someone posting fake stories to get back at a guy and ruining their reputation, but generally if you're not a jerk or cheater, you shouldn't worry about ending up there.”
LEGAL IMPLICATIONS
Criminal lawyer Mohammad Baiross from law firm IRB Law told AsiaOne that what the members of the group is doing can be considered harassment and they may be liable for criminal prosecution under the Protection from Harassment Act.
"Actions like sharing personal stories about others on a public platform, especially if it causes distress, can be considered harassment," he added.
Participants may also be at the risk of being sued for defamation, if the posts contain misinformation that harms the reputation of the mentioned men.
Being anonymous does not rid participants from being liable, Mr Baiross said.
Group rules against posting harmful or personal information, however, can keep members away from legal trouble.
SG Women Ask was previously named Are We Dating The Same Guy, AsiaOne reported, after a similar review Facebook group that launched in the United States in 2022.
In October 2021, Ms Koh Boon Ki, a Singapore influencer, apologised for creating a Telegram chat group named "sg dating adventures” to discuss dates members have been on and men to avoid.
A spreadsheet categorising men as either “blacklist” or “avoid” was later created and circulated within the group.
The influencer was accused of doxxing and harassment because the chat and document shared personal information of the men including full names and contact information.
