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No phones, no scoldings: How we keep daily family dinners sacred

It has been proven that there are plenty of benefits in sharing meals regularly with your spouse and children, but what if you simply cannot do it? Here is how mum-of-five Kelly Ang guards this custom in her household.

No phones, no scoldings: How we keep daily family dinners sacred

Ms Kelly Ang with her husband Clement Chua and children (from left) Gabriel, aged 12, Tobias, 10, Christabel, two, Lily Beth, five, and Isabella, seven. (Photo: CNA/Nuria Ling)

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Every day at 6pm, the chorus of “Dinner time!” rings out in our house. Like clockwork, tiny and not-so-tiny feet patter over to the table. The younger of my five children clamber up to their preferred chairs, and my older kids help to hand out forks and spoons and fill cups of water for everyone, laughter and chatter permeating the air. 

Food is laid out on the table: Fragrant white rice, stir-fried meats with an extra coating of sticky sauce, crunchy vegetables, fresh steamed fish, fluffy eggs, a huge pot of nourishing soup. Simple but comforting fare that can usually be whipped up in an hour or less.

By the time everyone is seated, we’re ready to listen and talk. No phones, no books, no screens, no distractions.

Family dinners are more than just another item in our busy schedule. Our evening meals are usually my most favourite moment of each day and I’m quite fiercely protective over them.

As a child, my parents worked hard all day and came home in the evenings. And yet, my younger sister and I always waited for them so that we could have dinner together. 

I remember happily cooking rice for the family every evening, looking forward to the conversations and companionship we would have over the dinner table. The food was simple, but my heart was always filled to the brim. 

No matter what had happened in my day, I always felt complete when I had dinner with my family. This is a memory I cherish deeply and wish for my children to have as well.

Ms Kelly Ang's family is used to simple dinners, but with no mobile phones, electronic screens or monitors, or any other distractions in sight. (Photo: CNA/Nuria Ling)

THE NOURISHING POWER OF FAMILY DINNERS

Every one of us looks forward to dinnertime at home, from our youngest who is merely 18 months old to us adults. 

My toddler rushes to the dining table whenever she hears the clanking of cutlery and dishes being brought out from the kitchen, hands stretched high as she clamours to be carried up to her high chair: “I want up!” 

Our four-year-old surveys the food in her teddy bear plate with a comically critical eye, nodding in approval as she settles into her seat. 

The primary school kids trade tuckshop stories and classroom tales and jokes, and we laugh heartily between mouthfuls of soup. My husband and I talk about our days as our kids listen curiously and ask questions about our work and our grown-up problems.

Like all good Asian parents, we cut fruit and chat about what we’re looking forward to tomorrow, this weekend, next week, next month. Holiday plans are made over tiny scoops of yoghurt being slurped up with relish. 

Food has always been a binding force. There’s something very intimate and cosy about people sitting down to the same table to be nourished together by the same food going into everyone’s bellies – but it’s not just a warm fuzzy feeling.

Studies by the likes of Harvard and Stanford universities show that shared meal times have immense benefits for both parents and children. 

Enhanced mental and emotional health, improved physical health, stronger relationships, better academic performances – all of these have been attributed to having regular meals together as a family. 

Ms Kelly Ang’s second child Tobias peeling fruit for the family to eat after their dinner on Jan 15, 2025. (Photo: CNA/Nuria Ling)

WHAT IF WE SIMPLY CAN’T?

Of course, as our kids grow up and their schedules become more varied and demanding, it’s getting harder to eat together every single day. 

My oldest two – both boys – now have football training twice a week and it’s almost 8pm by the time they get home. My three younger girls are all used to eating at 6pm, especially my toddler who turns "hangry" at 5.45pm in anticipation of dinner.

What then? 

On those days, we keep up with family dinner with whoever’s home and ready to eat. I have dinner with my girls first, while my husband picks up the boys from training – the three of them eat together when they come home.

My husband does his utmost to be home by 6pm on most days for dinner time. On days he is held up, he lets me know so I can shift dinnertime back slightly.

There are still some days when he's just too late or the younger children are just too hungry – so we carry on with family dinner, albeit as slowly as we can. The moment Dad steps through the door, he heads straight for his empty chair at the table, welcomed by a chorus of five little children excited to greet him.

Weekend meals together are especially important. We try our best to take our kids to hawker centres and new eateries, so that they may try first-hand the vast array of food available in Singapore. Sometimes we treat ourselves to a hearty hot-pot meal or a Korean barbecue feast, to reward ourselves for a week well-spent.

But one thing remains the same: The undivided attention we give to each other (and the delicious food!) at mealtimes.

On weekends, Ms Kelly Ang and her husband enjoy taking their five children to hawker centres and new eateries, so that they may try first-hand the vast array of food available in Singapore. (Photo: Kelly Ang)

MEALS AS SPACES FOR FREE SHARING

Of course, it’s not always smiles and laughs. 

I’m a self-professed terrible nag – sometimes we have to raise our voices a little to call the younger ones to get back and finish their meal at the table. The volume can go up another notch when squabbles break out over one sibling surreptitiously trying to use another’s preferred cutlery.

My husband and I try our best not to admonish anyone over the serious stuff during meals – a great practice I’ve picked up from my own parents.

Call me idealistic, but I want the dinner table to be a safe space for my kids to share things without fear of disapproval or judgment. 

This means putting aside our earlier disagreements and setting out to make peace with each other before the meal even begins. Eleven years on, I can honestly say that we’ve almost never sat down to a family meal fuming mad at each other.

I’ll admit that I’m a stickler for the positive aura at the dining table – but only because I want them to feel comfortable telling us all sorts of things: 

“I bought a sweet drink at recess today to treat myself.” 

“I failed my spelling test.” 

“I got scolded by my Chinese teacher.” 

“I was sad I didn’t get into the school team.” 

“I’m worried about next week’s maths exam.” 

Each family dinner, my children freely confess their uninhibited thoughts and feelings, giving us a glimpse into their lives at school and precious insight into their still-developing personalities and characters.

Instead of my husband and I having to expend an undue amount of effort extracting information from them, for an hour or two each day, all we have to do is listen. 

No matter how trivial their chatter may seem to be on the surface, it really does help me to be a better mum.

Their stories give me a much-needed sense of things to look out for in the weeks and months to come. I can prepare myself to help them deal with whatever challenges lie ahead.

This, I hope, will help us all as we head into my oldest son’s teenage years, when the angst level goes up and trust level goes down.

No matter what happens in our household, though, family dinners are here to stay – every day that we can.

Kelly Ang is a mother of five and a freelance writer. 

Source: CNA/ml
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