Her son has special needs, so she fights for him to experience life in all its colour

SINGAPORE — She put him in a mainstream primary school, then challenged him to take Malay as a second language (their mother tongue is Chinese). She also fought for him to be allowed to enlist in National Service, but the Ministry of Defence exempted him because it felt clerical duty would still be too challenging.

For Ms Silvia Buniardi, 44, she did all these so that her son, Seth, could experience all that life had to offer him.

Seth was born premature at 33 weeks and was diagnosed with Ataxic Cerebral Palsy, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder at an early age.

“This is how he can learn,” Ms Buniardi said in an interview with TODAY recently. “I don’t want him to take the easy way out. I know things can be very challenging for him, but I am here and can help to guide him along the way. We just have to try.”

Seth, who turned 19 this year, is now in his first year at Singapore Polytechnic’s Common Infocomm Technology Programme. He told TODAY that he hopes to attain a Diploma in Infocomm Security Management so that he can protect the cyber space from threats in the future.

Ms Buniardi has detailed the complex challenges of raising a child with special needs in her book, Extraordinary You. It chronicles Seth’s life, her journey through his diagnosis and the high and low points that they have been through together.

Ms Buniardi hopes the book can create greater awareness about children with special needs and encourage families who are on the same journey that they are not alone.

“I want people to know that for people with special needs, their diagnosis does not define them,” she said. “With the right support and accommodation, they can maximise their potential and contribute to society.”

A LONELY JOURNEY

In her lowest moments, Ms Buniardi had contemplated suicide and even thought of “bringing Seth along” as she believed that he would not be able to survive without her.

The stress of having to juggle the many demands of raising a child with special needs overwhelmed her and she found herself bursting into tears for no reason during that period of time.

Though she was not proud of what happened, Ms Buniardi felt that it was important to tell her story because there may be other parents out there struggling with the same problem.

“I think I’m not the only one and maybe there are other parents that are going through the same thing. I want them to know that this is not a weakness, it’s not a flaw. It’s normal,” she said, adding that Seth is the one who gives her strength to pick herself up and continue.

“I never thought it could happen to me when it did, (and) it really frightened me,” Ms Buniardi said, adding that after that period of her life, she took the time to take care of herself to prevent herself from burning out again.

Her husband, Clement, took time out from work to provide her with more support and she also leaned on friends to raise her spirits when she needed a break.

“I realised that I had to take care of myself before I could take care of my family and especially my son,” she said.

BULLYING AND UNKIND TREATMENT

In the book, Ms Buniardi also recounted the cruel treatment that Seth experienced in a mainstream primary school.

She shared one incident at the school’s bus stop where a mother and daughter deliberately ignored Seth even though he had waved and greeted them with enthusiasm.

Another incident involved a female student calling Seth “crazy” and saying that he had no place in a mainstream school because of his condition. The same sentiment was echoed by a staff member at the school who told Ms Buniardi that she should enrol Seth in a special school instead.

Seth did start out at a private special school, but he struggled while he was there to the point where his teacher told Ms Buniardi that she did not know what to do with him anymore.

Ms Buniardi then transferred Seth out to a mainstream primary school.

She recalled how her son used to harm himself when he was feeling stressed or overwhelmed: He would shove his fist into his mouth to force himself to vomit.

But Ms Buniardi said that the situation has improved greatly and people have become more understanding and sensitive towards those with special needs.

“Now the awareness of children with special needs is greater. There is more support to help students with special needs adapt to school.”

LOOKING TOWARDS THE FUTURE

Though the journey has not been easy, Ms Buniardi said that there were many milestones that her family has celebrated.

“Now he is able to travel or go out with his friends independently. Seeing him have fun with his friends makes me happy,” she said.

Seth told TODAY that there were many achievements that he is proud of, such as getting an award for being the best in mathematics when he was in Primary 1 and being able to go for overseas trips to China and Australia without his parents.

These would not have been possible without his mother’s support, he insisted. “Together with her, I have proved people wrong,” he said.

Right now, Ms Buniardi said that she hopes Seth can eventually become independent and self-sufficient in the event that she and her husband are not around to take care of him in the future.

“I hope he can do well not just in his academics, but also in his human relationships,” she said.

“I hope he’ll be able to find a good job and that he’s also able to find someone who can be with him. But of course, that is the (long-term) goal, we will see how it goes.”

Extraordinary You was officially launched on Saturday (Sept 7). To find out more about the book, readers can email Ms Buniardi at extraordinaryyou19 [at] gmail.com.