Support programmes for divorcing parents prove to be beneficial

SINGAPORE — After a couple divorced, the father was due for a visit with his one-and-a-half-year-old toddler. But the reunion ended prematurely because his son ran away as soon as he saw him.

Situations like this are not unusual when young children are involved and that is where counsellors can help, said Ms Cindy Loh, who was appointed by the Family Justice Court to supervise the visit.

“Children need drilling. It’s about painting a picture in the mind of the child,” said Ms Loh, who is programme head at Care Corner Centre for Co-parenting.

Preparing the child could involve pre-empting divorced parents to cooperate with each other, such as getting the mother to coach a child to speak with his father or allowing daily phone calls between them to build up familiarity.

During the visit, tools such as movies and games could also be used to help parent and child bond, she added.

This supervised visitation and exchange programme, which started last month, is one of several schemes being offered by Divorce Support Specialist Agencies to tide parents and their children through the early days after acrimonious divorces.

Giving an update on the work that has been done by the four agencies, the Ministry of Social and Family Development said an overwhelming majority of parents who have gone through some of the programmes — not all are compulsory — said they have benefitted. For instance, more than nine in 10 who have gone through Parenting PACT gave feedback that they have understood how to be better parents. A similar proportion (92.2 per cent) of parents said that they identified ways to improve co-parenting, while 95.6 per cent of children reported lower stress levels, after completing Children-in-Between.

Parenting PACT is a two-hour programme teaching divorced parents co-parenting strategies while the Children-in-Between programme helps both parents and children to communicate their feelings on divorce better. Both programmes started last year.

Other upcoming programmes include video-conferencing between HELP Family Service Centre and the courts, for divorced parties to lodge a complaint over default payments of spousal or child maintenance. This will start next month.

The other three Divorce Support Specialist Agencies are Care Corner Centre for Co-parenting, Thye Hua Kwan Centre for Family Harmony, and PPIS As-Salaam Family Support Centre, which caters to the Muslim community.

Speaking to reporters after an engagement session with representatives from these agencies yesterday, Minister for Social and Family Development Tan Chuan-Jin said the response from divorcing couples has been positive so far, but he hopes to see more parents come forward and seek help through these programmes.

“The question is how intrusive do we want to be. We recognise that these are very difficult moments for the family, very personal as well. Introducing these programmes is an important step,” said Mr Tan.

“Whether we want to make it mandatory or not is another thing ... We’re not at that stage yet. We want to basically raise awareness.”

Nevertheless, from December, parents will have to undergo a mandatory parenting programme before filing for divorce, if they are found to lack concrete plans for their children. For a start, this will apply to parents with children below the age of 14, and will subsequently be extended to those with children below 21.