'Your story matters': MMA fighter Angela Lee opens up on new initiative, suicide attempt and sister Victoria’s death

Warning: This story discusses suicide and contains descriptions of a suicide attempt.

SINGAPORE: “The feeling of missing her doesn’t go away. That’s the hardest part – I don’t think that will ever fully go away.”

For mixed martial arts (MMA) champion Angela Lee, the pain of losing her younger sister Victoria remains raw. Aged 18, Victoria took her own life on Dec 26, 2022.

Mental health is a subject close to Lee's heart. Last week, the 27-year-old revealed that her car crash in Hawaii in 2017 was a suicide attempt and not an accident.

Speaking to CNA during her first trip back to Singapore since Victoria’s death, she opened up about her younger sister, her own dark moments six years ago and how they spurred her to set up non-profit organisation Fightstory to help people with their mental health.

KEEPING VICTORIA’S MEMORY ALIVE

Angela, Victoria and their brother Christian Lee all fought at ONE Championship events, representing Singapore and the United States.

Angela is ONE’s reigning atomweight champion and Christian holds the lightweight and welterweight titles, but neither has fought since Victoria’s death.

Lee's voice broke slightly as she spoke about her younger sister. Paying tribute to her, she said her younger sister was “wise beyond her years, even though she was 18”.

“Victoria was the kind of person who never really wanted to worry anyone. She was very considerate and she’s always looking out for others’ feelings,” she added.

“I think that’s one of the main reasons why she didn’t fully come out and share what she was going through, because she didn’t want any of us to be concerned or worried. I think a lot of people feel like that sometimes.”

She described Victoria as an "old soul" who loved vintage music records and baking cheesecakes.

“She was a very talented individual, she just excelled at everything she did … and when we (Angela and her family) come home, she's there at the airport, with this big cheesecake for us.

“That’s the kind of person she was.”

One of Lee's favourite memories of Victoria was surprising her for her birthday in 2018 while they were in Singapore. A day before Lee's fight - a successful defence of her title against Japan's Mei Yamaguchi - she arranged balloons and a cake in Victoria’s hotel room.

“She was so surprised and she was speechless,” recalled Lee with a smile.

“She was like, ‘Did you do this?’ ... and she was so happy. I was so glad, she deserves all these special moments.”

Victoria was close to Lee, her husband Bruno Pucci and their two-year-old daughter Ava. When Ava was born, her parents decided that they wanted Victoria to be her godmother.

“We’ll do our best to keep living life and keep her memory alive. It’s hard because my daughter Ava, she’s just so young,” she added.

“But I do my best to show her photos and videos and just keep talking about Victoria, what she was like, so that she can hold on to some kind of a memory of her.”

IN A DARK PLACE IN 2017

The youngest person to become an MMA world champion at 19 years old, Lee was struggling to make weight for a title defence in 2017. She crashed her car in November that year and was rescued by passing motorists.

Six years on, Lee said she was in a “very dark place” then, and felt very alone.

“I felt like I was dealing with a lot of pressure. At the same time, I felt like I couldn’t speak up about it or say anything to anyone,” she told CNA.

“That resulted in me purposely crashing my car ... leaving it in fate’s hands to see what happens next to me, and I just didn’t really care at that point.”

Looking back, she said she did not think to reach out to anyone before the incident.

She added: “I will be honest. I was never fully transparent, or I never fully spoke about everything that I was feeling. I thought that it was normal what I was feeling, and I just thought that I needed to keep on going, just power through.

“I understood that there were ups and downs to this life.”

Her job is in stark contrast with opening up about weaknesses or struggles, said Lee. As a fighter, you are taught not to show any vulnerability – “we put up this shield or this mask”, she added.

That mindset got her to where she is today, she admitted, but it “lacks a balance”. It should not be "win at all cost", and your life and mental health should be of top priority.

“A lot of times, when you’ve trained for so many years to do whatever it takes to win, you’re often sacrificing yourself and putting yourself in danger and at risk.

“It’s hard to talk about because it very much could be a good thing and beneficial, but then also, it could be a bad thing and detrimental. So finding that balance is really key.”

Lee recalled how Pucci had rushed back to Hawaii from Singapore after her crash.

She told him the truth. He was shocked and confused, but at the same time relieved, because he already felt “something was a little bit off”, she said.

“I told him ‘I am so thankful that you asked me’ … as difficult as it was to answer, that’s what I was needing,” she said.

She was visibly emotional as she spoke about her husband and how he has supported her.

“Through it all, (he was) very patient, not forcing me to speak more than I was ready to. But when I was ready to speak, he was there to listen.

“It’s very rare to find that kind of trait in people. Through the years, our relationship has just gotten stronger and stronger … with each obstacle or adversity it’s just grown, and now with our daughter, (it’s grown) so much more.

“I think what’s most important is that we’re aligned on this communication and always having this honesty between each other.”

Lee encouraged people to reach out to their loved ones who may be struggling.

“I think sometimes we need to ask the people we love those hard questions, because we care, because we want them to know … we give them that opportunity to speak up. And if he (Bruno) didn’t ask me, I don’t know if I would ever be able to share,” she added.

Since her revelations last week, she has received countless messages from family and strangers as well, with many sharing their own struggles with mental health.

Why talk about it now?

“If I’m going to be that voice that says, ‘Hey your story matters, and it’s important and it can help someone else’, then I need to take that first step,” she explained.

FIGHTSTORY

Lee's car crash and Victoria’s death spurred her to set up non-profit organisation Fightstory. Although the aim is to champion a movement for mental health and wellness through combat sports, it is not only for fighters.

“Whether you’re a fighter in the cage, or you’re a teacher or a doctor or a stay-at-home mum, we’re all fighters in our own way,” said Lee.

Although still in its infancy, Lee said Fightstory will put out a podcast and videos on mental health, as well as a programme to help people with their nutrition and physical health.

“If you are eating the right things, if your recovery is good, if you are sleeping well enough, if you are taking care, going outside and getting what you need, I think that is going to boost your mental health greatly.”

She hopes people will find a community through Fightstory, where they can share their own mental health struggles and stories. It gives others hope when more people share about their experiences, Lee said.

“I’m not here to tell everyone to open all those old wounds and share your story because there’s a time and place for everything. Everyone has their own journey of self-healing.

“But if you are at that place where you’re ready to open up and share what you’ve gone through, it can be extremely healing as well. And to look back, and to see how far you’ve come since then, it’s a very proud feeling to have.”