One month into my child's Primary 1 year, it's unfolding as a test for me as a parent
Primary school is overwhelming not just for children but for first-time parents. Tiffany Ang of CNA Podcasts reflects on her first month letting go of the reins.
Parents have to learn how to let go of some things when their young children start schooling. (Illustration: CNA/Nurjannah Suhaimi)
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Less than three weeks into the new school year, my Primary 1 son asked me a surprising question: "Can you give me S$3 (US$2.40) each day instead of S$2.50?"
Imagine asking your boss for a 20 per cent pay raise just 10 days into your job. Bold move.
But I understand his request. A small bowl of noodles in his school canteen costs S$2 and I could practically hear the wheels turning in his head as he calculated his options. He didn't have enough for a S$1 packet drink.
But a few days later, having managed to save some money, he proudly declared at our dinner table that he'd bought a pen at the school bookshop for his new classmate.
Clearly, the school bookshop still has generations of students in a firm chokehold.
But while I was once the proud owner of an army of country erasers bought from my alma mater's bookshop, the adult me now wonders if this newfound freedom is too much for my six-year-old.
A MILESTONE FOR BOTH KIDS AND PARENTS
A parent fresh into the primary school journey, I've been warned about the stress and the pressure I'm set to face.
True enough, over the last few weeks my thoughts have constantly revolved around what food my son will eat in school, what money we need to spend on his school things, and the questionable choices he's making at the school bookshop.
Entry into the formal education system is a big transition for our little ones, but it's undoubtedly a leap for many first-time parents too. From deciding which schools to apply for admission to and the hoops so many families jump through to secure a spot, to procuring school uniforms and supplies, the to-do list seems endless.
There is also a nagging fear that you may not have done enough to prepare your child before you take the guardrails off.
You stuff their lunchbox with enough food to feed a troop, voice your concerns about the central kitchen model and fastidiously check their schoolbags for unfinished homework.
The mental load never seems to ease up.
Several parents I spoke to echoed the same sentiment. A few of us laughed it off as our own ignorance. We also rallied around those whose children aren't adapting well to their new environment.
It feels like an invisible bond is forged. It's not just our kids navigating all this "back to school" stress – we are too.
It's in our nature as parents to want to give everything we can to set our kids up for success. But does that mean we should be willing to put absolutely everything on the line?
In November 2025, a mother was jailed for lying about her address to enrol her daughter in a popular primary school. In her judgment, District Judge Sharmila Sripathy-Shanaz noted that few parental choices summon the same anxiety and excitement as those made about our children’s schooling years.
The court verdict will no doubt be sufficient deterrence for many, combined with firm warnings from the Ministry of Education (MOE) against falsifying residential addresses.
Nevertheless, determined parents will still find loopholes to guarantee a spot in their school of choice, SG Schooling founder Junda Ong and Singapore Management University's Assistant Professor Jacqueline Ho told me on a recent Deep Dive podcast episode.
MOE said that while it used to investigate an average of one case a year between 2008 and 2018, that number jumped to about nine cases annually from 2020 to 2024.
SOME GROWING UP TO DO
First-time Primary 1 parents fall loosely into three categories: The Anxious, The Tough and The Unsuspecting.
The Anxious ones join every conceivable chat group and procure all school materials months ahead of time. These are the parents who probably have their child's teachers on speed dial.
The Tough prefer for their children to learn independence immediately. You didn't pack your maths textbook? That is on you, buddy.
The Unsuspecting are typically clueless of what is happening. These parents rarely check updates and announcements, and are most likely to send their children to school on home-based learning (HBL) days. In private chats, they are teased for being "parents of the year".
Up till a few months ago, I mistakenly thought I was one of the Tough ones.
To my horror, it is now becoming clear that I am in between The Anxious and The Unsuspecting.
On the one hand, I want my son to figure things out on his own, advocate for himself in class and carry his own school bag, even on the days when it weighs half what he does.
But in the process of letting go, I am also caught blindsided by the many changes since my own schooling years – and to be honest, that is testing my Type A personality.
I spent too long in December struggling to find the right plastic sleeves for my child's books, only to be told later by other parents that I did not need them for some workbooks.
I debated whether to buy four or five sets of school uniform, only to later regret my decision to get the bare minimum when the rainy season looms and I'm stuck in a snaking queue to buy more uniforms.
I mistakenly assumed that S$2 still goes a long way in the average school canteen.
A lot of this can be avoided if you participate in chat and Facebook groups with other parents – particularly The Anxious ones who send detailed explanations and reminders. This is also the quickest way to learn the special language of primary school education in Singapore – HBL, SLS, PAL and more.
However, groups like these get far too noisy and overstimulating for me. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.
In the end, it's not really a question of how much research you think you should do before the start of the school year.
The real question is this: Am I putting undue pressure on myself to do everything perfectly, with no room for error – or should I go with the flow and embrace the bumps and scrapes along the way?
Like everything in the parenting journey, there's no universal formula of what is right and wrong. Each of us must choose what works best for us and our children.
LEARNING TO LET GO
With one month done and several more to go, I'm realising that preparing a child for the milestone experience of Primary 1 is less about training the child to cope, and more about training the parent to step back.
It's an exercise in growth not just for our kids, but for ourselves as parents: can we loosen our grip on reins we're used to holding a little too tightly?
Perhaps it's time to admit that while my brain says to let go, my heart yearns to retain control over my not-so-little-one.
But if I don't learn to let go – if I insist on coddling him and dictating every move he makes – I run the risk of stunting his ability to build resilience that will eventually grow him into a self-sufficient adult.
At the end of each day, my son's eyes widen with excitement as he gushes about his recess adventures, the library books he’s looking to borrow and the new friendships he’s building.
Watching him describe the ins and outs of his school day in breathless detail, an inner voice assures me that he’s okay.
With each new day, he's learning something new – and so am I.
Tiffany Ang is a senior editor overseeing the CNA Podcasts team and the co-host of Deep Dive. She is also a mother of two.
