A Letter to Myself Podcast: Paralysed from waist down after a crash, Jean Ling defies all odds to become a mother
When her first baby was born, Jean Ling spent many nights crying, afraid of dropping her child because she had trouble carrying her. She shares her extraordinary story of rebuilding her life after a devastating car crash.
Be inspired by the person behind the personality on "A Letter to Myself", as newsmakers, thought leaders, and everyday people reveal the most valuable lessons they've learned through life.
SINGAPORE: An avid adventure seeker who went skiing and scuba diving, Jean Ling was always on the go. But 10 years ago, like many of her other thrill-seeking trips, she was on her way to a horse-riding activity in New Zealand when her car skidded off the road and slammed into a tree.
In that split second, her entire life changed.
“I still remember very clearly what happened,” Jean recalled. “The car banged into the tree and the next moment, I couldn’t feel my legs.” The incident left Jean with a severe spinal cord injury and she woke up to find she was paralysed from the waist down.
What followed was a period of emotional freefall. In the days following the accident, Jean was consumed by disbelief and grief crying several times a day. She would stay up all night in tears, only able to find respite when she "(could) actually see the sun coming up.”
Her path to recovery began at a spinal cord rehabilitation centre in New Zealand, where she spent four months relearning how use her new body. Tasks she previously took for granted - sitting up, getting dressed, and using the bathroom - became monumental challenges. “It’s just like a baby trying to learn how to balance, how to dress up again,” she explained.
“Just a basic thing (like) going to the loo ... I need to count my timing and use a catheter.”
But Jean was never alone on her journey.
Her mother flew to New Zealand to be by her side, friends and family members visited, bringing with them not just words of encouragement but also a reminder of the world waiting for her outside the hospital walls.
Yet, the most profound impact on Jean’s recovery came not from familiar faces but from an unexpected encounter at the spinal cord unit of the hospital. Among the patients was a newlywed couple whose honeymoon had taken a tragic turn. Like Jean, they had been in a car accident, but the bride’s injuries were far more severe - she was left paralysed from the neck down and struggled to speak.
Jean realised, by comparison, she still had the potential to rebuild her life.
I know I lost the mobility (in) my legs, but my hands are still working ... That was the point where I felt like ‘Okay, I need to carry on with my life.’
FALLING IN LOVE
Today, Jean, 41, is a happy mother of two. With a third one on the way, she’s all smiles when she recounted how she met her husband, Jake Oh, 34.
But having a relationship was the furthest thing on her mind. She worried constantly about how she was going to make a living and live a meaningful life as a disabled person.
Jake was part of her circle of friends and it was “not love at first sight”, said Jean. He was seven years younger and able-bodied. She didn’t entertain thoughts of romance because she didn’t believe anyone would stick around with a woman saddled with a major disability like hers.
I had my doubts ... (I kept thinking), 'Are you really true towards me? Will you really love me as a person in a wheelchair or (when it gets tough), will you get tired and give up?'
But Jake did not give up and won her over with his consistency and devotion. They tied the knot and four years ago, the couple welcomed their first child, followed by a second two years later. While parenthood by itself is challenging, Jean’s disability means she has much more to overcome.
“When I had my firstborn, I (cried) a lot,” she shared. “I couldn’t balance myself so (carrying) her from the baby crib (was) difficult and I couldn’t bathe her for the first time ... Any action that required balancing (was) going to be very dangerous.”
Determined to adapt, Jean devised ways to parent on her own terms. She developed a system whereby pillows were placed on the front and back of her body to secure herself when she picks up her children. It took countless trials and errors for her to finally come to terms with her limitations – and simply do what she could and accept help.
I told myself, ‘This is my life now. I just have to accept it,' and gradually, that's what I did.
And when her second child came around, she “cried less”.
Now, with a third child on her way, Jean continues to be a fierce advocate for persons with disabilities, a devoted wife and mother.
She gets emotional as she reflects on the path her life has taken – even before her accident – and how much she has come to appreciate her own mother.
Most of all, she reflects on the extraordinary resilience and strength she’s gained from her journey. Listen to Jean’s story on A Letter to Myself. This podcast, hosted by Joel Chua, features people with remarkable life lessons to share.
The original programme airs every weekday at 8pm on CNA938.
If you know someone with an inspiring story, write to cnapodcasts [at] mediacorp.com.sg.
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