Performing in NDP is breast cancer survivor's attempt to 'do what she can now'
Breast cancer survivor Lee Ai Ngor after her performance during the National Day Parade preview on July 21.
SINGAPORE — For breast cancer survivor Lee Ai Ngor, participating in the National Day Parade (NDP) is not just about checking off a box on her bucket list, it is also an attempt to live her life to the fullest.
"It's been a rollercoaster (ride) during my recovery period. Just last year (during my check up), they found some lumps in my left (breast). I still feel like I'm living under a dark cloud. I don't know when I'll get a relapse, so I want to do whatever I want to before I don't have a chance to anymore," said Ms Lee.
The 48-year-old was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer in June 2014. She underwent a mastectomy, followed by a breast reconstruction surgery, which required surgeons to use some back muscles on her right.
As a result, Ms Lee, who currently works at Sree Narayana Mission Nursing Home as a therapy assistant, is physically weaker on her right. That made her role as a flag bearer in the People's Association contingent for this year's NDP extra challenging.
"When I first practised carrying the flag, I had to stand for long hours under the hot sun, (raising) my right hand to carry and sway the flag, so I was aching initially," she said. She also developed calluses and bruises on her palm from carrying the wooden pole.
Her Saturday routines have also been disrupted by the weekly, eight-hour long practices. For example, she has had to forego weekly visits to see her 87-year-old father, Mr Lee Ah Gong, who suffers from dementia. He is staying at the Ju Eng Home for Senior Citizens in Jalan Kayu.
"Now, because of the (NDP) practice, I cannot visit my father. I feel bad, but I try my best to manage my time and visit him on Sundays (instead). It's tough because I usually leave Sundays to do the household chores, and to take care of my mother, but I have to juggle now," she said.
Adding to her burden is her strained relationship with her 78-year-old mother, Madam Tan Geok Kuan. "Up till today, (I feel) that my mother still cannot accept that my father has dementia," said Ms Lee, who is single and the only among her four sisters who lives with her mother.
She told TODAY that her mother seldom leaves the house as she has difficulties walking. To make matters worse, Mdm Tan, who requires a knee replacement surgery, has refused to go for it.
"After my first few weeks of rehearsals, I asked myself, 'Seriously, do I want to do this?'" said the 48-year-old.
But, she persisted and now, she is not only able to last through the eight-hour long rehearsals, but is also excited to get to rehearsals every week. "I like to get out of the house, try as many things as possible, I hate to be cooped up at home," she said.
That feeling of being "surrounded by four walls" was something she dreaded during her recovery from breast cancer. Recounting the "depressing" period, which was around the end of 2014, while she was undergoing chemotherapy, she said: "I was afraid to step out, partly because the doctor said not to (visit) public spaces, in case I got an infection. At that time I was still undergoing chemotherapy."
Ms Lee, who was retrenched from her previous job as a product engineer after she discovered that she had cancer, said: "I had so much time, but I was trapped in my house."
She added that post-surgery, she was also struggling with self image issues. Driven by boredom and determined to do something about it, she started running at Admiralty Park near her home in Woodlands — with a hooded cap to cover her bald head.
"At first, I was so breathless even after just one round around the park. But day after day, I continued to push myself, and before I knew it, I completed a 5km run about a month later."
Then with a desire to be part of a community, Ms Lee got on the Singapore Cancer Society's mailing list to get information about social activities. And through it, she joined a Christmas art and craft workshop in December 2014.
"I enjoyed it so much, I felt so much happier after. It made me want to join even more activities," she said. One thing led to another, and soon, she tried her hand at dragon boating, taiko drumming, and Zumba classes, which she became a regular participant with a group of 20 other female cancer survivors every Monday.
"We share our experiences about overcoming cancer … we talk about our frustrations, they are like my sisters, we are very close," said Ms Lee.
It was also through the mailing list that Ms Lee found out about the chance to volunteer in the NDP. She signed up without hesitation because participating in the NDP had been a two-decade long dream, ever since she was a spectator when she was a student in Ngee Ann Polytechnic.
"It was so emotional and heartwarming, to see everybody coming together," she said. "I told myself I wanted to be part of it someday."
"No matter how big or small the role" was, Ms Lee said: "I told myself that I will try to do my best at everything, and never give myself any excuses. Be it to challenge myself to be present for every rehearsal, once I commit to do something, I rarely give up."
