I fantasised daily about quitting my job, but staying put was the right choice at the time
The push to find passion at work assumes a freedom many people do not have. When meaning has to wait, staying in an imperfect job can still be the right move, says this writer.
"Job your love" is not always possible, especially when responsibility and survival come first, writes business owner Kelvin Kao. (Illustration: CNA/Nurjannah Suhaimi, iStock)
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It was a phrase that launched a thousand memes. On a podcast, Emirati entrepreneur and social media influencer Sara Al Madani said: "Don't love your job, job your love."
She later clarified that she was not urging people to settle for work they disliked and talk themselves into loving it. The point, she said, was to turn one's passions into one's profession.
The initial phrasing was admittedly clumsy, and she was dragged online for the "nonsense" quote.
Still, I could recognise its intent. If work takes up a third of our waking lives, shouldn't we try to do something we care about?
As far as I could tell, the idea seemed to have found resonance among younger workers. According to a Deloitte study, well-being, purpose and meaning now rank among the top workplace priorities for Gen Zs and millennials.
We want work that matters, in environments that support our mental, emotional and physical health. And we want to be paid fairly for it.
The problem, of course, is that the overlap between meaning, well-being and good pay is often smaller than we would like. X may mark the spot, but not everyone gets to stand there, at least not immediately.
What happens to those who cannot afford to do so, or at least, not yet?
"DO IT FOR HER"
Perhaps a more incisive commentary on job dissatisfaction that deserves better attention is from the television show The Simpsons.
The show is obviously comedic, but it delivered a powerful moment that really hit home at a time when I was struggling in my career.
Homer Simpson, the main character, is stuck in a dead-end job he hates, and to add insult to injury, his manager taunts him further by nailing up a sign right at his cubicle that says: "Don't Forget, You're Here Forever."
Homer dreams of quitting, but when his daughter, Maggie, is born, he resolves to stay on.
With newfound motivation, Homer redecorates the offending sign, obscuring letters strategically with family photos.
When we leave the episode, the sign now reads: "Do It For Her".
WHY I STAYED
Homer's reason may have been fictional, but the situation was not. Many people stay in jobs they would rather leave because someone else depends on them.
I was one of them. I got married right out of university, and by the time I turned 30, my wife and I had two children.
To care for the kids, my wife made the deliberate choice to leave her job to be a stay-at-home mum. It was something we agreed on together. But living as a single-income family meant that there were bills … lots of bills to pay.
Those years were the hardest stretch of my career. The work was tedious, the hours long, and the pay just enough to get by. I didn't click with my colleagues. I didn't know how to manage my boss.
Three months in, I fantasised daily about quitting.
Despite my unhappiness, I stayed in that job for a good three years. Not because of grit or endurance, but because of how pressing our financial needs were.
There was a mortgage to pay, diapers to buy, and the constant anxiety of unplanned expenses, a doctor's visit, a broken kitchen pipe, something always waiting around the corner.
In that season of life, financial stability mattered more than purpose or passion. And I don't regret it. That stability gave my family a foundation to stand on.
I'm not making a case for staying in a dead-end job you hate. I'm aware that job satisfaction and strong remuneration are not mutually exclusive.
But when circumstances force a choice, what do you do?
Homer did not suddenly find meaning in his work, nor did he turn his passion into a profession. What he found instead was a reason to endure.
Sometimes, the most responsible move is to stay put and make the best of it.
That was what I did. I learned how to navigate difficult colleagues. I adapted to my bosses' working styles. I found small ways to make myself useful and, eventually, the work became more tolerable.
It wasn't love. But it was a stable, functional relationship, and at that point in my life, that mattered.
WHEN LOVING YOUR JOB IS NOT THE POINT
After working for others for about seven years, I decided to take a leap of faith to start a business. It became the advertising agency I still run to this day.
The idea had been brewing for a while. I wanted to do work I actually love and do it in my own way. But we had no investors and barely any savings.
I took a personal loan and gave myself three months to pay it back. If it didn't work, I was prepared to return to employment and, once again, try to love the job I had.
In my case, it worked out. At the same time, I know I got lucky.
We live in an age that pressures us to have it all: a meaningful career, a fulfilling personal life, a happy family, all executed flawlessly and, ideally, in public.
What I have learned instead is that life moves in seasons. Some are about endurance. Others are about risk. Neither is a failure.
Sometimes, you "job your love". Other times, you do a job you do not love, because it pays the bills and keeps everything else standing. Both are things we can be proud of.
Kelvin Kao is the co-owner of a creative agency.
