Shameful affair? India’s seniors are seeking love after 60, even amid disapproval
As they lead longer, more independent lives, more seniors in India are not only fighting loneliness with romance and companionship, but also breaking a taboo, the documentary Love After 60 finds.
Lovebirds Kunal Mukherjee (left) and Ashoka Bhattacharya have had to defy tradition in India to be together.
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KOLKATA, India: He was twice divorced, she was a widow. They are both 65 now. But neither age nor heartbreak stopped Kunal Mukherjee and Ashoka Bhattacharya from falling in love in the autumn of their lives.
The couple were first childhood sweethearts. Mukherjee had hoped they would be more than that. “Every time I saw her, I sort of felt breathless,” he recalled. But things did not work out, and they married other people.
When they reconnected decades later, this time it was love. “I said, ‘Do you think it’s time we seriously started considering walking (down the aisle)?’” recounted Mukherjee. “And in a very soft voice, she said, ‘Yes, we can.’”
They married two years later, in 2023, in a private religious ceremony in the bride’s home. No guests were invited, not even their own children.
At their age, remarrying meant breaking a taboo. In conservative India, romantic relationships between older adults are largely seen as inappropriate, especially among widows and divorcees. The fallout was huge when Bhattacharya told those close to her.
“At this age, no one encourages or likes it when a woman gets together with someone new,” she said. “My closest friend doesn’t speak to me or want to meet now. It’s the same with my sisters.”
But the couple are not alone in refusing to age without romance.
More solo seniors across India are quietly seeking sweet companionship. Some are signing up for matchmaking services and dating apps, some are even cohabiting — defying traditional expectations about what ageing and remarriage should look like.
Love and dating are no longer just a young person’s game, the documentary Love After 60 finds.
WATCH: India’s lonely seniors defy tradition to seek love and companionship (44:02)
A SOLUTION TO LONELINESS
As more Indians live longer, battling loneliness in old age is a growing issue. Life expectancy has increased by 10 years within a generation, from 62.7 years in 2000 to 72.2 years in 2024, according to United Nations data.
In an Agewell Foundation study last year on solo ageing, 15 per cent of those aged 60 and over in India’s urban areas reported living alone.
In the same survey of 10,000 respondents, 57.3 per cent of solo agers said they felt more independent living alone, but 40.8 per cent reported a negative impact on their mental health.
“In our hospital, we found that a lot of (elderly) people (were) saying, ‘Doctor, what’s the purpose of living? Do something so that I can die immediately,’” said Arunansu Talukdar, the head of geriatric medicine at Medical College Hospital Kolkata.
Whether they have lost their spouse, live apart from their children — some of whom have migrated — or have never married, many of them are trying to find a reason to live.
Without a partner or even their children’s company, some seniors end up lacking a sense of purpose and community, which can take a toll on their health.
“Loneliness is a silent killer,” said Amitava De Sarkar, the secretary of non-governmental organisation Thikana Shimla. “Because they’re lonely, they’re falling ill. And one solution to this is companionship.”
To help seniors form new connections in their lives, organisations like his are holding social mixers and matchmaking events.
“If we run four (matchmaking) events in a year, all four of them will be successful. If I need 200 people at an event, I can get 200 people,” said De Sarkar.
“The daily pains, health concerns, fear of death — these are many contributing factors to looking for a partner.”
One attendee at a recent meet-up for seniors was Pulak Nath Sinha, 77, who was widowed in 2023.
“I haven’t been able to adjust myself to this present situation (without my wife),” he said. “It’s very difficult. There’s no company — how to live?”
REST HOME LOVEBIRDS
In the search for companionship and love, some seniors have found them in the unlikeliest of places — like an old age home for the destitute that recently made headlines in the north-eastern state of Assam for its take on love.
Two of its residents, Padmeswar Goala, 71, and Jayaprabha Bora, 65, had been single their entire lives until they met there.
It was Bora who said “I love you” first. “As I looked at him sing songs,” she recounted, “we both fell in love with each other.”
Their love was hard to miss. “When he laughed with (other female residents), Auntie used to get jealous,” grinned Utpal Harshavardhan, the secretary of the Pramod Talukdar Memorial Old Age Home.
The couple married in January with the staff’s encouragement. Their romance charmed locals so much that some 4,000 guests turned up at their crowdfunded wedding.
“Every person has a dream that one day he’ll get married,” said Harshavardhan, “so we thought that we’d get them married.”
While residents in old age homes typically live in gender-segregated rooms, the staff made an exception and gave the newlyweds a room with a double bed. Harshavardhan even planned their “honeymoon” in a nearby hill station.
“I don’t know exactly what the word ‘honeymoon’ means,” laughed Bora. “It’ll be playing games, singing, dancing. It must be something like that.”
WATCH: Just married at 71 and 65 (6:17)
While most of the community responded positively to them, some locals complained that the whole affair was shameful. “They say, ‘Why get married at such an old age? Now’s the time to go.’ Their thinking is different,” said Harshavardhan.
Still, the couple remain unfazed and happily wed. “How many days are we here in this world anyway?” said Bora. “You can’t tell when something will happen to you. Only our love and care are the most important things now.”
A NEW WORLD OF DATING
For some seniors, finding a companion is not always about marriage. In the city of Pune, close to Mumbai, one matchmaking agency has made the news for pairing up seniors who want to live together but not get married.
“My first experience with divorce showed me how much you have to go through during the process,” said Asawari Kulkarni, 73. “I absolutely don’t want to deal with the court at this age.
“This was why the idea of live-in relationships was unique and new to me. This is a very good idea.”
Happy Seniors has paired up more than 90 couples since 2012 and charges a one-time membership fee of 7,000 rupees (US$81).
Participants can get to know one another through twice-monthly video chats, monthly in-person meet-ups and an overnight retreat held every quarter.
The agency will then pair up seniors who indicate mutual interest in cohabiting with each other. It helps to draw up a contract that settles finances, living arrangements and even intimacy preferences. This allows couples to focus on companionship.
“We take all the precautions … so our chances of failure are negligible,” said agency founder Madhav Damle.
To protect women in these arrangements, Happy Seniors requires men to deposit between 500,000 rupees and 1 million rupees.
In the event of a dispute where the man ends the relationship, his deposit will be forfeited to the woman. If the break-up is amicable or instigated by the woman, then he keeps his deposit.
“We’re extra careful because in a live-in relationship, they can break up any time,” said Damle.
For Kulkarni and her partner, Anil Yardi, also 73, their 10-year relationship continues to thrive on mutual accountability. Beside splitting their expenses and housework equally, they voluntarily underwent a medical examination and HIV testing.
“We’ve been transparent with each other from the beginning,” said Kulkarni, “so that we have no doubts about each other.”
The biggest hurdle comes from outside their relationship, especially from loved ones.
“My daughter was shocked that someone could live this way (as an unmarried couple). She said this wasn’t possible (in Indian society),” said Yardi. “She asked why I couldn’t live alone for a while.”
Kulkarni got similar pushback from her son. He encouraged her to move in with his father instead, which she refused to do. “I know my ex-husband’s behaviour won’t change,” she said.
Damle tells senior citizens who register with his agency “to think carefully for themselves first”.
“Thinking only of their children won’t lead anywhere,” he said. “Only those who put their own happiness first are able to go on and succeed (in finding companionship).”
STILL HARDER FOR WOMEN
But even as sentiments begin to shift, it is women who are judged more harshly when they desire relationships later in life.
Sultana Abdullah, 67, knows this all too well. Her own family believes she should focus on religious pursuits rather than seek a partner at her age.
“In our part of the world, it’s like a woman has no needs. And if she has them, she should keep quiet about it,” said Sultana.
“(It’s like), ‘Why don’t you just go for a pilgrimage or sit at home and think of God?’”
Having travelled the world for 37 years as an air stewardess, she refuses to let traditional expectations trammel her free-spirited nature.
She continues “living out of a suitcase” and travelling but hopes she will eventually share her life with a special someone. Losing her mother in 2016 has fuelled this desire.
“That’s when the real loneliness crept in. It just got into my insides and my veins and my nerves. I could do nothing except think of having somebody around me,” she said.
“We all want a touch. We want care. We want good words. We want reassurance.”
Bhattacharya’s daughter, meanwhile, is still coming to terms with her mother’s remarriage. The news has not reached the girl’s in-laws, however. “Nobody’s words should impact my daughter. That’s all I want,” said Bhattacharya.
Mukherjee’s take on the issue, “as a man”, is: “Why the hell should we care what people say?” But he noted: “For a woman of our generation, it isn’t that simple.”
Having kept their love under wraps at first, the couple are now ready to be open about it. “It’s true that this (relationship) is slightly out of the ordinary, but we’re faring well together,” said Bhattacharya.
We’re very happy with each other and want no one to disturb us.”
While some people who disapprove may “implode”, quipped Mukherjee, “that’s their problem”.
“The world has moved on,” he said. “All these years we’ve been living for others. … (For) the last few years, last few decades, hopefully, of (your) life, live for yourself.”
Watch the documentary Love After 60 In India here.
