Commentary: My wish for Budget 2023 - more paternity and childcare leave

SINGAPORE: “We thought you didn’t want kids.” When my husband and I told my parents we were expecting our first child a few years ago, their reaction was unexpected but, in hindsight, not surprising.

We had already been married six years then and I was old enough to have what is sometimes called a “geriatric pregnancy”. But my parents were never the kind to pressure me into giving them their first grandchild nor give meaningful glances when their friends shared happy news.

These days, the pressure to have babies is coming not only from relatives at family gatherings, but also from governments worried about ageing populations and low fertility rates.

China’s population shrunk last year for the first time in six decades. South Korea broke its own record for the world’s lowest fertility rate in 2021, with just 0.81 child per woman.

Prime Minister Fumio Kishida put it bluntly when he said in January that Japan, shrinking since 2011, was “on the cusp of whether it can maintain its societal functions”. In no less stark terms, Singapore Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong said in 2019 that the country must make enough babies to “secure our future”.

FINANCIAL COST OF RAISING CHILDREN

It’s no coincidence that South Korea, China and Japan were found to be the world’s most expensive countries to raise a child, according to Beijing-based YuWa Population Research.

In Singapore, financial cost was the top reason cited by married respondents for not wanting any or more children, according to the 2021 Marriage and Parenthood survey. The stress of raising children and the challenge of juggling work and family demands were also cited.

Mr Lee, in his Chinese New Year message this year, said the Government will be stepping up measures to support parents and help manage the pressures of raising children. In a Facebook post on Monday (Feb 13), Deputy Prime Minister and Finance Minister Lawrence Wong said that Tuesday's Budget 2023 - themed "moving forward in a new era" - will strengthen the nation's social compact and give assurance for families.

Research suggests financial incentives, like the Baby Bonus, are ineffective in increasing fertility rates. Singapore's resident fertility rate has been gradually declining over the past decades, falling to a low of 1.1 in 2020. It recovered slightly to 1.12 in 2021.

While financial incentives may not count for much in the decision-making process, they sure come in handy once couples take the plunge. The cash payouts and Government matching on Child Development Account contributions have helped my family offset months of full-time infant care. These could stretch longer for those who have other help at home or start childcare at a later age.

SHARED STRUGGLES BUT PERSONAL JOYS OF PARENTHOOD

Today’s parents aren’t the best at “selling” parenthood. I worry sometimes that I’ve unwittingly contributed to discouraging younger female friends and colleagues from having children.

We share horror stories about labour and juggling work and home. Our eyebags tell the story of interrupted nights. And which working mum hasn’t sent that apologetic text to teammates when children fall sick? (I did, just last week.)

The truth is the challenges of parenthood are relatable and felt by friends and colleagues - from missing out on social gatherings and needing cover for missed work - but the joys of being a parent are intensely and exclusively personal.

One “Mama, I want a hug” and the stress melts away for me, even if momentarily.

Yes, many challenges are inherent in creating and keeping a tiny human being alive and thriving, so there is a limit to how much Government and company policies can address them.

PATERNITY LEAVE, CHILDCARE LEAVE CAN HELP MAKE PARENTS BETTER ADVOCATES

No one expects having children to be effortless, but there are surely ways to improve parents’ experience and make them better advocates of parenthood.

Take paid paternity leave for example. Anthropologist Anna Machin, who researches on fatherhood, has written about how some new fathers question their ability to bond and parent if they don’t experience pregnancy and how it can feel like society is forcing them back to work at a time when their spouse and child still need them.

Having more paternity leave (up from the current two weeks) would send a signal that fathers should have more time to be present and learn to take care of a baby, just like mothers do, but without it being at her “expense” in the case of shared parental leave. It sets the foundation for fathers to take on more equal duties subsequently.

Another thing that could be looked at is whether parents have sufficient childcare leave. Parents are currently entitled to six days of childcare leave a year. But with pre-schools also having up to six days of planned annual closures a year, childcare leave is very quickly used up. What happens then when kids fall ill?

Parents want to be socially responsible, especially in this post-pandemic age. But fevers and coughs can take days to clear, and parents with several children can attest to them tending to fall sick one after another.

And then there is the question of flexible work arrangements. Though the benefits were extolled during the pandemic, some companies have already started rolling them back. Nearly half of more than 1,000 respondents in a UOB survey said they were already back in the office full-time in June 2022.

Under a set of tripartite guidelines by 2024, employers must consider staff requests for flexible work arrangements, though it remains to be seen how employees can be reassured that requests are considered seriously. HR experts agree that flexi-work remains important in the current tight labour market, but parents stay parents even it shifts to an employers’ market.

MAKING SINGAPORE MORE FAMILY-FRIENDLY

Such moves can also help women back into the labour force and increase the chance of having colleagues who are empathetic and understanding in covering work when the need arises. Removing the binary decision between work and family could also pave the way for more women leaders who benefited from such arrangements to lead with empathy.

Of course, there’s much more to making Singapore more family-friendly.

Software engineer Benny Koh said in a CNA Heart of the Matter podcast recently that the waiting time for a Build-to-Order flat and the cost of a Housing Development Board (HDB) resale flat has delayed his plans to marry and start a family.

Then there’s also the challenge of long waiting lists for pre-schools in some estates, as well as the costs of aged care for our ageing parents.

Concerns about a stressful education system and the academic pathway to success also give rise to parental anxieties. Personally, I’ve heard more parents espousing the view that they won’t be registering their child in a prestigious alma mater or announcing with pride that their teenager will pursue their passion in a polytechnic.

It gives me hope that parents have started becoming the change we want to see. Government and corporate policies need to be part of that change too.

Charlene Tan is an editor at CNA Digital where she oversees commentaries.