Commentary: Parents, don’t think about screen use for teenagers only in terms of limits

SINGAPORE: Secondary school students will no longer be allowed to use smart devices during school hours, even outside of lesson time such as during recess or co-curricular activities. The Ministry of Education announced last year that these tighter guidelines take effect from January.

Parents trying their best to manage screen time at home may end up facing even more resistance from their teens.

Parents of younger children can still turn off the TV or take away shared devices. But many teens have their own phones, laptops and social media accounts.

The challenge shifts: It’s actually no longer about screen time, but about their teens' digital lives. It goes from imposing limits to learning to have better conversations.

Such conversations get harder with teens, especially if parents don’t understand what their devices mean to them. Parents feel unheard; teens feel misunderstood.

Teenagers see devices as extensions of their social world. As one 15-year-old said to us in our research, "If I don't have social media, I don't know what's happening among my friends. When I go to school, I feel left out."

KNOW THE MEDIA, KNOW THE CHILD

Many conversations fail because parents are unfamiliar with the media their children use – know the media, know the child. Understanding what makes a game, video or influencer appealing helps parents guide, rather than police.

Parents don’t need to spend hours playing games or binge-watching content from controversial creators to understand their appeal. What matters is gaining enough insight into why these experiences resonate with kids.

For instance, if parents think of Roblox simply as a “game”, they may miss the point – children often see it as a platform for socialising and expressing creativity, not just a challenge to beat or level up. A quick way to learn is by watching gameplay clips on YouTube to get a sense of what the games involve. The same approach works for creators: Parents can do a quick search and sample a few videos to review the tone and content themselves.

Understanding why games or media content appeal to teens gives parents a strong foundation for meaningful conversations, before moving on to deeper topics like respect and critical thinking. This matters because even if parents review a game’s early levels, new modes or updates can introduce inappropriate content.

When parents take time to learn what their teens watch or play, it sends a powerful message of respect: “I may not always agree, but I care enough to understand.”

Some platforms also offer pairing features that allow parents to manage contacts or screen time collaboratively. When used as shared tools, these features transform monitoring into mentoring. For example, Instagram’s pairing function lets parents see who their child adds as a contact, creating opportunities for open conversations about their online social circle.

TALKING WITHOUT SOUNDING AUTHORITARIAN

But how can parents start these conversations with their teens without sounding like the digital police?

First, share your own struggles. Many parents also feel glued to their phones and often engage in similar social activities or get lost in the infinite scroll. Admitting this shows humility and makes discussions feel like a shared journey.

Second, model the behaviour you hope to see. Teens notice inconsistency. If you ask your child not to use their phone at dinner but answer emails yourself, the message loses weight. Sometimes the inconsistency is across misaligned parents: One mother we spoke to in our research, set gaming limits, only for her husband to dismiss them, leaving her to play "bad cop" and making it harder to enforce rules.

Third, create natural openings for dialogue. Parents can talk about their online experiences over dinner. Such conversations often spark curiosity, and teens may join in.

Finally, focus on trust before control. A relationship built on acceptance makes it easier for children to approach parents when they encounter disturbing content. If a child says: "I saw something today that didn't feel right," that honesty is worth more than any restriction.

FROM CONTROL TO COLLABORATION

Boundaries are necessary but should evolve with the child. Start with clear rules when children are young, such as device use only after homework, and relax them as responsibility grows. This builds ownership.

One father at our talk created a "stamp system" with his two children. Each child had a chart pinned side by side on the study room wall, and they awarded themselves a sticker each day they successfully limited device use. What started as a simple system turned into a friendly competition between siblings, strengthening their bond while helping them manage screen time on their own.

Our study on social media typologies, conducted from November 2024 to February 2025 with Singapore youths aged 18 to 35, revealed that most users largely consume content rather than create it. This insight offers parents an opportunity to nurture creativity – shifting children from passive consumption to active expression.

In an example of how this can be done, one parent we connected with, guided her teens to produce a short holiday video. This built digital skills and shifted device use from scrolling to creativity.

Such approaches transfer responsibility to the child and nurture self-discipline. They turn parenting from rule enforcement into relationship building, from "because I said so" to "let's figure this out together."

Ultimately, managing teen screen use should feel less like control and more like collaboration as the child matures.

LISTENING BEFORE LIMITING

Technology will only become more entwined with life, and no rule can fully shield children from it. But parents who understand both their child and the media they consume can turn conflicts into teachable moments.

As children grow older, the goal is not to limit every screen, but to guide every conversation. When parents listen first with empathy and consistency, teenagers learn to regulate themselves.

Dr Jiow Hee Jhee is an associate professor and deputy director of the Teaching and Learning Academy at the Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). He is also a member of the Media Literacy Council.

Adeline Tay is a recent graduate of SIT. She has presented at academic conferences, published academic journal articles, participated in radio interviews and contributed opinion pieces.